


Don't Be Shy

by dance_tilyouredead



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alex desperately needs a hug, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Control Kink, Drug Use, Established SuperCorp, F/F, Friends to Lovers, I'm not gonna tag every sex act cause ho boy, Kara has some understandable separation anxiety, Lena has low key anxiety and racing thoughts., Light BDSM, Mother issues all round, Mutual Pining, Polyamory, Porn with Feelings, Red Kryptonite Kara Danvers, Science!Kara, Starts with smut ends with smut, This was meant to be short and light, and now it's THIS, more than canon typical violence, no one breaks up, surfer!alex, this isn't a jealousy story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-07 05:45:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14664522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dance_tilyouredead/pseuds/dance_tilyouredead
Summary: Lena could no more be jealous of Alex than she could resent the continued beating of Kara’s heart in her chest. Just as integral a part of Kara. For Lena, loving Kara is loving Alex.**The smutty threesome fic with so many feelings.





	1. There you see her, sitting there across the way

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a light smutty fic about Alex joining Supercorp for fun times and then feelings happened. Be aware, there is smut in the very first chapter. It's a slow burn with smut, go figure. 
> 
> This is technically a continuation of my fic _Never know this pain_ , though if you haven't read that one, you definitely don't need to. Things to know: Kara got herself clean of the super drug, Red(a Red Kryptonite variant mixed with crystals from the fortress of solitude) with Lena's and Alex's help. She started her super heroics recently and is working with the DEO. With no public profile, she's known as Superwoman at the DEO.

**National City University – 2012**

It’s cold and dark, not long before dawn on a random suburban front lawn when the worst fight happens. Alex is glaring at Kara, swaying as she stands pointing a hard finger into Kara’s chest. “You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”

Kara laughs. “ _You_ have no idea!” She’s almost as drunk as Alex so her thoughts are muddled. “You throw yourself at these boys that don’t even care about you.”

They’d found themselves at the same frat party, Alex already making her way through the table of vodka and Jäger with pink and green and red mixers. Kara was swigging from a bottle she’d brought from the stash under her dorm room bed and carefully kept out of reach of anyone else. When she first arrived Alex greeted her with a hug, but too soon the spiteful (scared) and angry (confused) drunk Alex came out. It was loud at the party, crowded with frat dudes, their sorority girlfriends, and townies looking for free booze.

Drunk Kara in opposition to Alex, just wanted to be closer. She missed Alex in ways she couldn’t describe since College had separated them. She’d begun trailing Alex, desperate for the feel of her gaze, of her hands anywhere on her body. She wanted to have Alex back, for everything to go back to the way things were before Alex left before Kara tried to follow and had to _see_ Alex avoid her.

“Please, Alex.” It was so loud, the music pumping over the shouts of college students pre-finals, and Kara’d already had her ass grabbed more times than she could count.

Alex glared at her, hateful in that state between standard drunk and pass-out wasted. “Don’t do that.”

Before she could respond, Kara heard a couple of footballers crashing down the hall and she grabbed at Alex, lifting them both quickly out of the way – which meant Kara pressed against Alex, against the wall, Kara’s hands secure on Alex’s hips. Kara could hear the way Alex’s heart thrummed against her rib cage, trying to escape. Their breath puffing overheated cheeks. Alex’s eyes were blown out with black, she smelled like Jägermeister and Red Bull and Kara wanted to know what she would taste like.

Alex shoved against her, slipped from Kara’s grasp and stumbled into the arms of the first muscled boy without a girl in his lap. She grabbed the boy’s hand and dragged him into a corner, her eyes on Kara right up until she had the oaf’s face in her hands and she leaned in to kiss him.

Point made. _Alex is not here for Kara. Alex is not Kara’s to hold, to have in any way._

Kara felt angry tears hot in her eyes but she couldn’t look away as Alex let the oaf put his hands all over her body, let his tongue slide into her mouth as if he was searching for gold amongst her tonsils. It was too much, all too much and Kara couldn’t take it. She spun herself into the living room where the speakers were concentrated and coloured lights flickered over the crowd. She danced until a boy encroached on her space. She swayed into him, let him slide his hands around her waist (sweaty hands with meaty fingers more adept at catching a football than preparing a slide sample or finitely adjusting a microscope).

Kara slips away, turning through the crowd, making body contact with one person after another until she found a girl she didn’t know. She had brown hair, only a shade darker than Alex’s, her nose a little broader. When her hands slid over Kara’s shoulders though, her fingers were long, fine and warm.

Eventually, the party had started to wind down, Kara had kissed the girl with hair a shade darker than Alex’s and eyes more grey, and when she let herself look to the corner she’d last seen Alex in, she was gone. Alex must have grown sick of the boy with increasingly invasive hands and she’d left.

Kara followed.

She always followed.

Even as Alex seemed determined to run.

She caught up quickly, using a stupid amount of superspeed in her drunken haste. Stupid. Dangerous. _Necessary_. She caught up to Alex who was stumbling forward at an angle, pulling a soft plaid shirt from around her hips to put on over her tank top, the night chill settling in. She was beautiful under the intermittent street light, her hair in messy waves, Kara liked to call her rockstar look that Alex might have called punk.

Alex heard her coming and huffed, walking faster as if she could outrun her. She didn’t say anything at first, but somewhere between the frat house and the dorms, the silent fuming from Alex, the plaintive queries from Kara had devolved to shouting. The night is crisp and clear around them. Early morning dew is gathering slowly on the grass and Kara can hear the first waking ruffles of morning birds. In amongst it all is Alex. Her Alex. Drunk and beautiful and deserving so much more than some stupid frat boy.

So arguing.

Kara throws out her words without thinking, the things she thinks whenever she sees Alex with anyone else. _They don’t deserve her._

“No, stop” Alex growls. “You can’t keep looking at me like that, Kara.”

Kara turns in on herself grasping at her own fingers well beyond brittle human bones could bear.

She feels a swell of bitterness push up past her hurt. “How am I looking at you? Like you need to sober up and reconsider your life’s choices?” It’s a taunt she pulls out when she’s feeling especially spiteful. Especially lonely.

Alex lets out a gust of air, too angry to count as laughter. “Like you’re one to talk? What’s in the bag, little sister? Something that’ll eat through my skin, I’m guessing. And how about Miss Grabs-a-lot that you were _‘dancing’_ with.” She puts obnoxious air quotes around _dancing._ “Anything about that life choice you want to reconsider?”

Kara flinches, her cheeks heating in something like shame. She thought Alex would have been too preoccupied to see what she’d done with that other girl. Then her anger slams back into her, pushing away the feeling. Because _this hypocrite_. “You’re drunk Alex.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Alex is terrible with words, with saying what she really means and Kara is sick of it.

She wants to scream and cry, to beg Alex to come back to her, to stay. Her best friend.

Instead, Kara turns away. “You know what? Forget about it.”

And then Kara lifts into the air, throws Alex a final glare and streams off into the night without looking back. Angry tears fall away from her eyes, lost to her slipstream. She can't stop Alex leaving, can't stop anyone from leaving her.

All she can do is be the one to leave first, take the first step and make that choice for herself. No matter how she aches, no matter how hard it is to catch her breath, to sleep or eat without Alex close by, she can make that choice. Alex can’t leave her if Kara has already left.

***

Alex searches for Kara, but in the end, she’s too late.

Before, Kara looked at her like she was the world.

Now, the drug Kara’s found – street name red – is all she cares about.

And Alex thinks selfishly, that it may be for the best.

———— L?S ————

**National City – 2016**

Lena wakes with the first light of day creeping across the hardwood of her bedroom floor. Kara’s super suit is laying crumpled, half in shadow, half in light with gold glowing off the trim. She’d stumbled in late, after Lena was already asleep, grumbling about paperwork and DEO and someone called Vasquez being an _out of control tyrant, Lena_. Lena tried not to laugh, just pulled up the blankets as Kara stripped out of her bra, left in the little red boy shorts Lena adores, and Kara could slip in beside her.

Waking with Kara’s arms wrapped around her in the golden light of a free Sunday morning is about as close to blissful as Lena can imagine. Then warm fingers begin trailing up the bare skin of her arm.

 _≤Good morning,_ _My Love_.≥ Kara’s mumbled Kryptonian is meant to go by Lena without her knowing what she means.

“What was that?” Lena indulges her because it’s sweet. And there are only a few phrases that Kara has said enough times for Lena to find translations for.

“Good morning,” Kara repeats without the endearment, kissing Lena’s bare shoulder.

Lena turns in her arms so she can look into sleepy blue eyes and Kara smiles as she settles, kisses her briefly. The sun shines in her hair, mussed and beautiful.

Lena pulls the hand from her hip to kiss Kara’s knuckles. “Are you sure that’s all you said?” She asks in a gentle voice. Kara freezes, eyes going wide.

_Busted._

She jerks as if to move away but Lena doesn’t let her, kissing Kara firm until Kara kisses back.

“How’d you know?” Kara grumbles when they pull apart.

“Alex.” Lena throws her co-conspirator under the bus knowing that Kara will never be angry at her. And a little bit out of spite for the scrunchy nose face Alex made when Lena asked.

Kara pouts. “I’ve been working up the courage to say it properly.”

Lena shakes her head because this woman is everything to her. The more she gets to know her, to understand how her mind works, how she thinks… “I understand. My love.” Lena hesitated for a moment. She’s not had the luxury of practicing in another language after all.

Her heart is speeding in her chest and she knows Kara can hear it. There’s a gentle hand at her throat, stroking over her pulse. Her fair skin must show the blue of her veins, the microscopic Kryptonian vision Kara observes her with able to perceive her racing pulse.

Or maybe.

Maybe it’s because of that thing Lena has slowly been starting to share with Kara. About exactly where and how Lena wants Kara to touch her. How Kara could hold her when she’s too inside her own head and wants the kind of pressure this inhumanly strong woman can give her.

They both stare at one another, neither knowing how to proceed when, even on bright Sunday mornings, they are both so fearful of what the future can bring. When things are so new and beautifully open before them. Lena gives up on finding any more words, her bravery spent as she presses into kissing instead. Kara moves with her, the spark of arousal hitting them both. It’s everything erotic and wonderful and when Kara’s hips settle between her thighs, Lena jolts upwards at the feel of her body, naked breasts gliding over her own, Kara’s lips slanting over her neck.

Lena curses aloud when her phone beeps beside her. It’s Sunday, she ignores it and Kara seems not to have heard it. Her shifting body keeps Lena grounded, her lips and her hands distracting. Yet still, Lena wonders what her phone might be saying, she thinks as she always does, _what if the world is ending outside?_ A stupid thought that’s chased by self-criticism and… Kara’s thigh presses to her center and teeth trail over Lena’s ear and… Lena has a board meeting on Monday and what if it all goes to shit… and Kara’s hands crawl up her side, over her ribs and a warm palm is pressed over Lena’s breast, fingers stroke over her nipple.

Lena is wet through her underwear already and Kara slips them over her hips… and Lena needs to remind her assistant that her blue gown needs dry cleaning before Friday... lips trailing over sensitive spots, her ribs, and licking over her belly button with a gentle swish that makes Lena sigh.

“Harder,” Lena says because she can’t be in her head right now. Kara is too precious for racing thoughts to distract from even a moment of this.

Kara glances up and makes eye contact with her, then barely, just barely increases the pressure, continuing to press light loving kisses and gentle touches across Lena's body. Her thigh presses slightly harder into her, and Lena groans. Maybe that’s enough. Kara makes her own sounds of indulgent devotion as her thigh meets Lena’s wet slick and she adjusts, brings her arm between them. Her hand settling between Lena’s thighs, slides down and over her clit, swirls down and through wetness. But it isn't enough to shut off Lena’s thoughts. Lena feels every touch and kiss, and stroke as pleasure and sweetness, but she still needs to finish that report and speak to that department manager and… Kara’s fingers enter her, one and then a second in a couple of strokes.

“You’re soaked,” Kara says in a rough gasp in Lena’s ear and it’s true. Kara is everything and more and Lena wants to please her. Lena pulls Kara’s hair gently, just tugs enough to get her attention, to get her eyes in view. Kara, so sweet and beautiful. Kara looks Lena in the eye, her pupils blown large despite the light from the window.

“Please Kara.”

Lena knows already how begging can sometimes spur something in Kara. Had shivered at Kara's bright eyes and awkward, silent acquiescence when Lena had haltingly told her she likes to be held down, controlled. She knows that anything she says in the right tone, it triggers the hint of that dominant side in Kara.

“Harder,” Lena pleads again and kisses Kara, grinding their mouths together and plunging her tongue into Kara's mouth. “Please.”

The fingers inside of Lena slow. Stop. Kara's eyes meeting hers again with a question, with something Lena can't interpret. Both of them are breathing heavily.

Lena can't explain, can’t quite put into words what she means, what she wants. So she pulls Kara’s hand from her breast, drawing Kara's fingers, guiding until they're wrapped around her throat. Lena can feel her own pulse as it thumps past Kara’s hand, just resting against her throat. Another growl comes from Kara (or maybe a whimper), like it's everything she wants and yet far too much to consider. Lena shudders at the feel of the fingers around her throat, moans into the feeling for just a second before they're gone. A huff of air leaves Kara’s mouth and her expression is unreadable. Lust certainly, but also indecision or something else Lena can’t figure.

Lena’s ready to let it go, but then Kara moves, the hand that was on her throat is wrapped around Lena's wrist dragging it up over Lena’s head to press into the sheets. Kara’s other hand, her fingers inside her shift, withdrawing slightly. Lena whimpers at the feeling, her hips twitching for the loss, but she needn’t have. A soon as those long glorious fingers leave her, Kara thrusts into her again. Hard.

“Fuck, Kara,” Lena says. Or maybe she just made incoherent sounds, she’s not sure because fuck that feels good.

After long moments, Kara thrusts hard again, her eyes never leaving Lena’s face. Brutal and delicious, sending tingles of pleasure racing up Lena's spine.

“Lena?” Kara watches her closely. And all Lena can think now is _yes_ , _yes_ and _body_ and _fuck me_.

Another thrust jolts Lena’s body into the bed. Kara’s drenched fingers slide out slow and steady to just her fingertips.

“Are you sure?” There’s no mask or armor between them right now. Lena’s sweet and beautiful girlfriend is watching so closely, so wary of hurting her even as she gives Lena what she desperately wants.

Another thrust, fingers moving so close to the kind of hard and rough Lena wants. She moans, nodding frantically.

“Yes, Kara, please please Kara please…” Lena is babbling, possibly crying with need but she doesn't care. She grabs Kara by her hair pulls her in to smash their mouths together, teeth and swollen lips.

Fingers. Thrust.

Kara pulls back from the rough kiss.

Sliding. Fingertips. Two fingers become three, leisurely stroking through Lena's folds. Lena tries to pull Kara back in. Instead Kara releases Lena’s wrist above her head to grab the other, a rough sound coming from her throat. Definitely a growl. Of want and frustration and urgent ardent need. Now both Lena's wrists are pinned above her head, hard determined hands holding her pinned by wrists and cunt. She's anchored and safe beneath Kara's steel strong body. Everything churns around her, pleasure and bliss and Kara. Fingers, teeth, biting, pulling. Need.

There's love and lust in Kara's eyes and a question. “Promise you'll tell me if it's too much?” she says.

Lena nods vigorously. The verbal reply she tries to give, of trust and love, dissolves into a long moan as Kara shoves three fingers into her. The stroke out this time shorter and the first wave of shivering pleasure has barely reached Lena's toes before another hard thrust follows the first. Again and again, and then Kara's teeth are at Lena's throat. Lena’s wrists are pressed tighter to the mattress. And wave after wave of pleasure thrums through Lena's body from wrists, from throat and the indescribable pressure of three fingers plunging deep into her.

More babbled words fall out of Lena's lips in gasps of _yes  there   Kara fuck_ and _never stop._ Lena looks down, wanting to see Kara's face again, her eyes, but with Kara's teeth still nipping at her throat, Lena is greeted by the sight of bare, bronzed skin, a map of muscles swirling and shifting beneath, Kara’s ass (still wearing those ridiculously sexy red boyshorts) moving with the rhythm of her thrusts. Kara's golden hair spread over Lena's breasts, Kara's right shoulder surging up Lena's body as her hand surges inside her.  And finally, finally Lena’s mind has gone completely blank, the pressure in her body builds to breaking and Lena. Lena barely has a chance to think _Oh my god I’m…_ and Lena comes with a cry that echoes around the room.

***

Lena must have fallen back into a dead sleep for a few minutes because she wakes in Kara's arms, body still tingling, cuddled against Kara’s chest. Looking up, she sees Kara’s warm smile is slightly hesitant. Lena frowns because Kara looks intensely guilty. Lena lifts a hand to the crinkle between Kara’s brow. Her hand is captured and brought down between them, Kara rubbing her thumb over the red marks on Lena's wrists that will be bruises in a few hours. The marks send shivers up Lena’s spine.

“I'll wear long sleeves tomorrow.”

“That's not the point.” Kara is frowning hard as if the marks could be made to fade by will alone. “I hurt you.”

“You gave me what I asked for. And it was. Incredible. You're incredible.” Lena presses a kiss to Kara’s knuckles. But she still looks guilty. “Is there… Kara, is there something else.”

More hesitation. “I liked it.” Kara’s mumble is so low, Lena barely hears it.

“You liked hurting me?” Lena keeps contact with Kara, tangling their legs together, stroking Kara’s collarbone.

“No.” Kara keeps squirming, staring at the wall. “I liked holding you down. Like I could keep you safe? I felt…” She humphs out a breath, uncertain how to articulate what she’s feeling.

Lena thinks she knows. “You felt powerful?” Kara nods. “And you feel bad because you like controlling me?” Lena tries not to let her shiver of arousal show because Kara is clearly struggling. “Kar, you don’t need to feel guilty!”

“I don’t? I want to hold you down and — and...” She’s blushing now.

“And fuck me?” Lena finishes for her because Kara won’t swear and some euphemism like _make love_ will just make this more awkward. She nods and Lena sighs, settling her head on Kara’s chest to cuddle her close. “Well, that’s what I want too. And this is where consent comes in. I want to be held down because it makes me feel safe, I want it rough because it feels good because that kind of intensity…” She trails off because even she has reached her limit for such bald admissions. Explaining that her racing thoughts and anxiety needs to be drowned out… not today.

Another sigh from Kara, more resigned than tortured brings Lena back onto her elbows.

“Will it make you feel better if I tell that you’re absolutely not allowed to control me or my body under any circumstances outside of safe sane consensual kink?”

Kara nods, her shoulders relaxing. Lena opts to ignore the slight wrinkle of Kara’s nose at the word kink.

“If you even try, I’ll have Alex come and beat you up.”

Kara laughs then. “She wouldn’t…” she trails off, distracted until she reconsiders. “Actually yeah, she totally would.”

“Exactly. Now stop feeling guilty for doing exactly what I wanted and dishing out earth-shattering orgasms.”

Kara finally smiles. She keeps one hand on the red marks on her wrist. The other tracing fingers down Lena's throat, the worry disappearing from her gaze and replaced by mischief.

“I do kinda like these.”

At that Lena blanches. “What?” Fuck.

She scrambles from bed to the ensuite, to glare into the mirror, twisting and turning, trying to see all the marks Kara left on her throat. A scattering of teeth marks and honest to god hickies smother her neck. Once blooming large and distinct right below her left ear.

“Fuck, I look like a teenager after prom.”

Kara snickers, relaxing finally. And good, because Kara did nothing wrong. She made Lena feel incredible, safe, wanted. And fuck if Lena doesn’t just want to do it all again.

Lena forgets about the hickies and returns, naked and wanting to the bedroom with a sway of her hips.

“Lena?” Kara squirms, easily recognising the look in her eyes.

Lena replies by kisses Kara then tucks her fingers in at Kara’s hips to remove those red boy shorts. Throwing them on the floor, she straddles Kara’s thighs.

“Kara, My Love.” She enjoys the taste of those words now she’s said them and the blush of heat on Kara’s face, the smile she can’t contain. “You made me feel wonderful. You always do, and I—”

“Lena.” Kara says her name like a warning. A _please be careful because I don’t want to hurt you_.

It’s soft and lovely, but Lena wants Kara to feel everything that Lena has felt every time they’ve been together. So much hesitance over her strength, her ability to control it if Lena is too close when she comes apart.

“Kara, I understand why you’re worried. And as much as I love watching you fuck yourself.”

At that Kara blushes and Lena lets her smile go wicked because she really does. Seeing Kara like that, plunging two fingers into herself as Lena pours all those touches and biting kisses across her breasts and thighs is incredibly hot.

“But I want to be there with you, feel you when you come. I’ve seen the way your body shudders and…” Lena breathes in a deep breath far beyond aroused at even the thought. “I trust you.”

“With your life?” Kara’s voice has a tinge of bitterness to it. Of that fear that makes her push Lena away when she’s about to come.

Lena kisses her reassurance into pliant lips. “With my life.”

They’ve pushed the boundaries before, Kara holding Lena’s hand as an in-between for having Lena’s body on hers. And Kara held her gently through her entire shaking orgasm, even more overwhelming with that tiny physical connection. Lena knows. She trusts.

Moving slowly and keeping eye contact, Lena moves up Kara’s body, lining up their centers. She's wet enough that Kara must feel her dripping, sharing her heat. She taps Kara’s hips. “Press up.”

Kara does as she's told, widening her legs for better leverage and tilting her pelvis into Lenas. Kara’s eyes flutter shut at the new, hot contact, her hands going to Lena's hips.

“Now it's your turn. I know you're nervous about me fucking you.”

Kara tries to talk, but Lena holds a finger against her lips, a smile making Kara swallow audibly.

“I know. Superpowers, great responsibility etcetera etcetera.” She smirks as Kara rolls her eyes. And more sincerely, “And I respect your need to control yourself. So…”

Lena presses into Kara again, spreading her knees across the sheets and leaning in. She looks down, sees the bare slick skin of her cunt pressed into Kara's precious thatch of curls. Her body responds accordingly with a fresh ache from her clit. More grinding finds her slipping against Kara's wet heat. The fingers at her waist tighten infinitesimally.

“That’s what you’re going to to do for me,” Lena says finally, taking up a torturously slow rhythm. You're going to lay very, very still, keep firm hold of the headboard, keep your shoulders on the mattress, and trust that you won't break me.”

Kara hesitates, her breathing coming out harsh and quick. “I can try.”

Lena could cry at the earnestness in her voice, but if she does that and she stops now, she doesn’t know when Kara might find this courage again, the courage to try. After a moment's hesitation Kara releases her hips and does as she's told, holding tight to the frame.

Lena presses her thanks with both hands into Kara’s ribs and starts to move her hips.

———— L?S ————

Alex’s voice comes clear over the comms. “We’re moving out in ten minutes. Are you in position Superwoman?”

Kara replies in the affirmative, watching from the air as two MTVs speed towards their location. Alex is inside the first surrounded by her team. Alpha one is followed in the next MTV by Alpha two. Kara scans everything around her, adrenaline spiking. Cadmus sent out their first message three days ago and for three days Lena has been working with the DEO to triangulate their position in the desert north of National city.

The bunker can barely be seen in the day, invisible by night.

Lena had led the briefing. “This front door will be at least thirty centimeters thick,”

Kara had nodded, paying close attention while absolutely and inconveniently turned on by Lena’s In Charge mode. Two teams in their tactical gear faced her, Alex standing right beside her and adding in details. They looked good together. Lena in her business slacks and blazer, looking every part the powerful civilian, contrasting Alex’s stiff military authority.

Alex pointed to the satellite photo on the central display, nodded to a new guy in a shirt and tie. “Winn, if you could?”

Lines, highlights and boxes of data overlay the image.

“Superwoman will take the frontal assault. Alpha one with me will take this first corridor. The details are sketchy, but we believe…” Alex had gone on and Kara had listened but at the same time…

There was something about the two people she loved most in the world being there, working together. Alex had been awkward with Lena at first. Rarely interacting without Kara there as an intermediary, but these past few days they’d become easier with one another, one placing a hand on the other’s shoulder or bringing back coffee for each other, sharing that grimace of distaste for the base drip swill. It made Kara feel...

There’s a fresh crackle in Kara’s comms bringing her back to the present situation. “We are ten seconds from contact.”

The first truck pulls up, time is precious in these first moments and Kara braces herself, banking toward her target.

Alex’s voice in her ear, “Superwoman, frontal assault on Five. Four. Three. Two.”

***

Lena is stuck in the DEO control room. Vasquez beside her is closely monitoring their communication, reducing noise, keeping each agent in contact. Health readings are above them on displays next to the diagram of the base (as accurate as they can hope it to be) with a blinking blue dot and label for each agent. Lena can do nothing but listen and hope the intel she helped gather was accurate.

“North corridor, clear!” One agent’s voice rings through the room.

“South corridor clear!”

Kara’s voice. “Come through quadrant C. Security has bodies on the final door. Weapons hot.” There’s the shudder of automatic weapon fire and what must be the sound of bullets pinging off Kara’s body.

Alex then. “Alpha team one, push for quadrant C, Alpha two maintain our exit.”

There’s shouting then, another stream of gunshots, a grunt of pain matching the spike in heart rate of one agent. Face and ID of one Agent Ortez. Lena focuses on Kara’s vitals. So different to the human ones, but a body Lena has come to understand, to read.

“Kryptonite,” someone shouts and Lena’s heart leaps into her throat. The screen showing Kara’s information flashes red as her heart rate spikes.

Alex’s voice then. “Supergirl is down. I’m getting her out. Agent Thorn, take point.”

More shouts, gunshots, and Lena is up again, pacing around the room. Their mission is still solid. They’ll close down the Cadmus threat and Kara will be fine. Alex will make sure of it.

Lena is sure.

She’s sure.

***

When Kara is brought in, she’s on a gurney with an oxygen mask over her face, a team of medics rushing forward in scrubs. Alex is barking orders, confirming Kara’s vitals with the chief medic. Lena waits and watches, breath caught in her throat. There’s blood seeping from a cut in Kara’s hairline, her face and uniform marred by scratches, dirt and blood. Lena follows as she’s rushed through the doors to a room labeled as UV Infirmary 1 beside the door. Through a small window, Lena sees Alex frantically pulling in equipment as Kara is transferred to a glowing bed and surrounded by lamps.

The chief medic bodily pushes Alex out of the way, forcing tools from her hands. “Stand down, Danvers. You’re filthy and we have to work.” Another shove sends Alex out of the room.

Alex is breathing rapidly when she turns and sees Lena, her eyes have a too bright shimmer and Lena doesn't hesitate. She rushes Alex and pulls her into a hug. All the Luthor training that says _don’t appear weak_ is pushed aside as she pulls love and reassurance from Alex’s embrace. Alex clings to her as well, every comfort is taken from one another, the two women that Kara cares about most. Almost by default, by virtue of their connection to Kara, they take comfort.

It takes less than ten minutes (the longest of Lena’s life) for Kara to stabilise, some cocktail of adrenaline and amino acids from a compatible species injected with a kryptonite-laced needle. A cocktail that surely Alex had a hand in creating. Lena pulls Alex into another hug, tight and secure.

 

And then another pair of arms wraps around them. Some tech guy named Winn that the DEO poached from CatCo a few weeks ago. Winn clings hard and long enough that it gets awkward.

“This is getting awkward,” Winn announces before pulling away, swinging his arms back behind him. “Sorry,” he adds. “I can totally see you guys are _together.”_ He points with two fingers at them, bringing both hands together, continuing, “Which is so cool and nice and I’m gonna go over here now.” As promised, he goes back to his workstation and focuses squarely on his keyboard.

Lena looks over at Kara then back to Alex with a laugh, still full of relief. “Close enough,” Lena says and Alex makes herself busy, sneaking back into the UV Med bay.

There’s an exchange with the chief medic who rolls her eyes good-naturedly before placing a hand on Alex’s shoulder. Alex nods at whatever she says and everyone in scrubs leaves the room, leaves Alex to Kara.

Lena smiles at the chief medic as she exits the room and approaches her. “Thank you, Doctor…” The name on her scrubs is Isles.

“Maura,” she introduces herself gently, following her line of sight back to Alex, still fiddling with the solar lamps over Kara’s bed.

The stiffness in Alex’s shoulders starts to relax as she focuses on her sister.

Dr. Isles sighs, “Those two are an interesting pair.” Lena looks at her in question, gaining a smile. “I’ve known Ms Grumpsalot since she started here at the DEO. All snark and bluster. And smarts. Blisteringly smart and a pleasure to work alongside in the lab if you’re fine with sarcasm.”

Lena huffs a laugh. She’s seen more of that in the past three days at the DEO. While the Alex that Lena sees around Kara is softened, this Alex she sees at the DEO – straight, back with multiple weapons on her person at all times…

Dr. Isles continues. “Nearly two years of our sharp edges Agent Danvers. And with that new haircut as well.” she laughs, a fondness showing around her eyes. “Well, let’s say the all-black has always seemed to suit her. And then in waltzes this Super, the embodiment of sunshine…”

Lena doesn’t try to correct her. She knows how Kara has separated Superwoman from herself. There’s no darkness in Superwoman, only hope and light. The darkness, sadness, and grief of losing her world, her addiction to Red K… those are things for Kara Danvers to deal with. So she can see how that contrast of effervescent Superwoman with dour Agent Danvers might appear to others.

Inside the room, Kara is stirring and Alex is watching her closely, one hand coming up to stroke her cheek. The look on her face couldn’t be called anything less than adoring. Lena sees the words _Kara you’re okay_ form on her lips.

The doctor hums like she’s trying to put into words how Alex might have changed since Superwoman made her presence known at the DEO. “It’s like night and day sometimes, the way she is when they’re together compared to before. I don’t even know how they became so close in such a short time.”

“They’re friends?” Lena asks because no one is meant to know anything about Lena’s connection to Kara or Kara’s Alex. She doesn’t say best friends or sisters because she hasn’t been able to place any truly accurate label to them herself yet, even if she would reveal that much to this doctor.

Lena had been suspicious the first time she’d met Alex, it’s true. But she’s seen how Alex moves around Kara, how Kara reaches for Alex… they move together like a dance, almost like one being, so in sync regardless of the distance that might have grown between them in the two years of separation.

Kara has told her on quiet nights together, that in the height of her Red haze, she had punished the people she loved most, pushed them away and dug claws into anyone who tried to reach out to her. Alex of course, had received the worst of it. And now? Somehow, it’s like the past two years never happened. Or maybe, Lena muses, this synchronicity is something entirely new, born of the longing that only absence can bring.

Lena doesn’t know what Kara and Alex were like before Kara started using. Kara can be cagey about sharing stories from before Red K, especially ones involving Alex. Maybe they were more conventional siblings then, but Lena doubts it. With the way Alex looks at Kara now, pushing the hair back from her forehead and murmuring in a low voice, sisters is not the right word.

Soulmates? Maybe that sentimental word fits better.

It would be easy for Lena to feel jealous of their connection. But Lena finds she can’t. Even before she met Alex, Lena had known there was some missing piece to Kara beyond the damage wrought by Red. When this secret agent with pain hidden in her eyes came back into Kara’s life, Lena knew. She’s Kara’s missing half.

Lena could no more be jealous of Alex than she could resent the continued beating of Kara’s heart in her chest. Just as integral a part of Kara. For Lena, loving Kara _is_ loving Alex.

———— L?S ————

With hours left until Kara will wake again on the sunbed, Alex finds herself too amped up to rest. Lena too is pacing around the room, chewing at her thumb absently. Kara had only woken for a few moments before she had fallen back to sleep, exhausted by the firestorm, the kryptonite. Now Lena, running on adrenaline and coffee is waiting beside her.

“I hate feeling so helpless,” Lena bursts out suddenly.

Alex makes a mental note to ask her what that accent is every time she’s upset. “She’s going to be fine Lena.”

“Damn them.” Lena is scowling at Kara’s heart monitor as if Cadmus is going to appear on the screen. “Right under my nose the whole time.”

Alex thinks that’s an unfair assessment. “You couldn’t have known, Lena. It’s only six months since you took over at L-Corp. How were you supposed to find…” Alex trails off because what? How was Lena supposed to find links from her company to a shady organisation that’s not meant to exist? How was she supposed to know that a once shady government organisation would turn rogue anti-alien terrorists? How was she to know that her own brother Lex and then her mother would be actively working with that organisation?

Alex looks at Kara’s vitals again, feels the pulse at her wrist as well out of habit. There’s no more kryptonite in her system, the few shards pulled from her skin and contained in lead until it could be disposed of properly. She just needs time to fully recover.

Alex makes a decision. “Come with me, Luthor. If you’re going to be in Kara’s life, you need to know how to throw more than a good party.” And, Alex thinks, Lena needs to blow off a whole lot of steam before she punches her hand through a wall.

Lena snorts ungracefully. “You’ve never been to my parties.”

Alex scoffs. “And whose fault is that?”

***

Lena’s fighting skills are limited to an obscure French style of fencing. That she never did past age fifteen. So finding herself opposite such a formidable fighter as Agent Alex Danvers, she's intimidated. They’re both changed into sweats and t-shirts pilfered from the DEO supply. Sweat is gathering on Alex’s brow, sweat dripping down Lena’s back. She doubts she looks nearly so casually sexy as Alex does in such a state as she tries to mimic the fighting stance Alex demonstrates. For the fiftieth time.

“Keep your hands up,” Alex says, circling Lena with quick light steps.

They started with footwork, Alex teaching her how to keep on her toes and maintain balance against an opponent. It was familiar enough to Lena’s fencing practice that she picked it up quickly. The smile Alex gave her filled her with an unexpected rush of pride and gratitude.

“You’re a quick study,” Alex had told her.

Lena grinned. “I have an excellent teacher.”

She added on a wink without thinking. Much to Kara’s amusement, they’ve been flirting. In strange little moments for weeks now, both trying to one up each other and make the other blush.

Now it’s Alex’s turn to one up Lena as she swings a closed fist at her, forcing her to lurch back. Alex swings again, but it’s a feint and before Lena has a chance to react, Alex is behind her, arm wrapped across her shoulders, pressed along the length of Lena’s body.

It’s a loose hold that Alex just taught her to get out of. Lena stomps on Alex’s foot, digs an elbow back into her ribs, flinging herself forward out of Alex’s reach. It’s not the next motion at all, but adrenalin doesn’t let her remember. Alex doesn’t let her get far, knocking a foot into the back of Lena’s knees so she falls with a thud, she scrambles to turn and counter Alex’s attack, but it’s too late and Alex is on her, hand pressed to her throat and a knee digging into Lena’s thigh. She’s half on her side still, abdominals tight in some attempt to keep partially upright, but completely at a loss as to how to get out of Alex’s grip.

“Pinned ya,” Alex says in a young sounding voice making Lena laugh despite the fist poised over her face.

“Lion King?” Lena asks.

“Of course.” Alex smirks because Lena has called her a nerd before and Alex may deny it til the end of time, but she still proves it to be true at least five times a day. Sometimes just to make Lena laugh and tease her again.

Lena chews at her lip. “Though you haven’t exactly _pinned_ me,” she points out. She shouldn’t, this game of theirs is getting out of hand, and now really isn’t the time.

Alex just grunts her acknowledgment, shifts her grip and before Lena knows what is happening, she finds herself flat on her back with Alex smirking wickedly down at her. She plops her ass unceremoniously down on Lena’s hips.

“Pinned ya again.” Alex laughs, her smirk threatening to break into a smile.

Lena can’t help but laugh along with her.

J’onn’s voice makes them both jump as it crackles through the room’s PA system. “Agent Danvers, we have some new information. Bring miss Luthor to UV 1.”

Alex stands and holds out a hand to help Lena up.

“Um,” Lena stutters. _Imbecile_ , she admonishes herself. Shakes her head. “Thanks. For the distraction.”

Pressing a small towel to her forehead and neck, Alex nods, doesn’t make eye contact with her as whatever ease came from existing in a room closed off from the rest of the world drains away. “No problem.”

———— L?S ————

Kara’s body aches. Like she’s one walking bruise. Dr Isles stands on one side of the sun bed and she can’t help but feel disappointed she’s not Alex. The doctor must read it on her face, too high on whatever unfamiliar chemicals are in her system to remember to hide them. Her heartbeat increases slightly, the monitor drawing far too loud attention to it.

Dr Isles suppresses a smile. “Don’t worry, they haven’t gone far.”

“They?” Kara, when in doubt, pleads total ignorance.

Something on the heart monitor pings as if to announce her fib. Rao, it’s not her fault. Alex has only been back in her life for such a short time. And Lena… It’s all so new and beautiful and Kara never feels like she deserves it, but she wants this anyway, her love her family. She lost Alex before, she can’t lose her again, and if she’s just left the DEO, forgotten about Kara once the mission is done, then...

Before Dr Isles can answer, or comfort her, Alex and Lena are there, pushing through the swinging door to crowd her out and away from the bed. She gives Kara a wry smile before taking her leave. Neither Alex nor Lena really notice she was there at all. And Kara feels like she can breath again as Lena reaches her first, squeezing her hand and kissing her, just on the cheek just shy of her mouth because they’re meant to be keeping this a secret, but it’s so hard. And then Lena is making room, sharing her breath and space so Kara can see Alex. Kind warm, familiar Alex lets her hand settle over Kara and Lena’s clasped fingers and presses her forehead to Kara’s. Kara feels and hears her heartbeat slow, her breathing normal again as she basks under Alex and Lena’s mutual attention.

 

When Director Henshaw comes in soon after, Alex does notice, standing rigidly and separating herself from their intimate huddle. “Sir.”

Lena’s hand in Kara’s twitches as if to extract herself, but Kara holds her tighter unwilling to let go.

“Agent Danvers, Ms Luthor.” His deep voice is calm and soothing after Alex’s fussing. “Superwoman, how are you feeling?”

“Like a million bucks,” Kara says.

She can feel Lena grimacing at the brightness. She’s supportive, but unsure about this persona she’s adopted for Superwoman. Alex barely blinks, but Kara knows how it grates in a whole different way. Alex hasn’t explained why, but Kara thinks it has something to do with when they were kids and who Kara was then. Before everything went to to hell.

Henshaw just hums and nods, glancing between Alex and Lena as if he can hear exactly what they’re thinking.

“Well, I have good news and I have bad news.”

“Better start with the bad,” Alex suggests. She’s always been a fan of the bandaid method. Kara remembers the solar flare when she was fourteen and scraped her knee for the first time with a shiver of discomfort.

Henshaw nods. “That was not the base we’d hoped to find.”

“But sir, that _was_ Cadmus. Their security had all the training we’ve seen from Cadmus agents, the technology…”

“Yes, Agent Danvers, that _was_ Cadmus. But only one base of operations. And unfortunately, it seems, not their primary.”

Alex deflates, but Lena just nods like she’d expected this. “And the good news, Director Henshaw?”

Henshaw looks at Lena as if he’s not sure a civilian should be hearing such intel. Alex sees his hesitation. “Go ahead, Sir. I vouch for Ms Luthor.”

Kara looks at Alex sharply. She knew they’d been getting close. Alex clearly trusts Lena with Kara, trusts her to have their best interests at heart. But vouching for her professionally? That’s a big deal for Alex.

And Henshaw… Kara’s been watching him these past few months, and she’s come to understand that he rarely gives anything of himself or his emotions away, but when he does, when those flickers of concern or pride come through, they almost always seem to be directed at Alex. As they are now. Whatever he knows about this new situation, of Superwoman, Lena Luthor, he seems genuinely happy for Alex, that she’s found people she trusts.

Kara feels her heart clench knowing how Alex feels about her mentor. Like a father after too many years without one. Whatever concerns make him hesitate, he obviously decides to trust his agent.

“We found in the Cadmus files a connection to a private company in National City. This company specialises in communication technology, transportation, green energy and unfortunately...” Henshaw opens the manila file he’s holding, shows a screencap from a company website annual report. “Military grade weapons manufacture and anti-alien tech, especially, and this is particularly concerning: chemicals that effect specifically alien biology.”

The name at the top of the page makes Kara’s stomach drop, the damn monitors drawing everyone’s attention as her heart races. There’s no pretending here. With Alex and Lena, Kara would share anything… eventually. But Hank Henshaw is more or less her boss. If Alex has told him about her history with Red K, he’s not said anything. Lena squeezes her hand and Kara takes the strength she needs from Lena’s touch.

“I might have some insight there.”


	2. There's something about her

**Gotham – 2012**

Kara tries not to get creeped out by all the scuttling. The building she’s snuck into on the edge of Gotham’s industrial precinct is dark and mysterious looking. There’s plants growing everywhere, slithering, scuttling things hidden in and behind and under. The room beneath the plants and darkness looks like it could have been an office or a laboratory once. There's a couple computers and equipment of the chem lab sort, but she doubts any of it could be operational with the humidity in the air, the verdant green cloying in every space. Lights overhead shift in red and green tones like sunset deep in the jungle.

“Well, well, well.” A voice makes Kara jump almost clear out of her skin.

“H-helo?” She’s stammering, too drunk to be scared, but too sober for surprise people hiding in the shadows. “Doctor Isely?” Kara tries her x-ray vision, but something seems to stop her. She can see the skeleton of the room now, but the colours remain, the foliage, the cloying fog. “Doctor Pamela Isely?”

The woman steps out of the shadows, or Kara should say slinks out. Green skin with green leaves (maybe leaves?) and vines (maybe vines) covering barely as much as a bikini. And brilliant red hair.

“No one has called me that in a while,” the woman sighs. “But yes.”

Kara gulps, shakes her head, still full of fog and too much colour. She can remember the street outside, rain was falling, people dashed about through puddles from shelter to shelter. But she can't hear it anymore, find it or feel it.

The woman’s eyes light up as she gets closer. “Oh and aren’t you the sweetest thing. Like a greenhouse Lilly.”

Blinking, Kara wonders idly what happened to the satchel she’d brought with her. Maybe by the door? Turning on the spot, she no longer knows where the door is.

“I’m wondering if you can help me. W-with something.” Again the quiver on Kara’s tongue. As if she has anything to be afraid of, as if the last daughter of krypton could be harmed under the yellow sun. Her thoughts turn bitter, another side effect of coming too close to sobriety.

The woman hums without answering, looking at Kara like she's something delicious to eat. Kara takes in a deep breath then regrets it as the most certainly tainted air fogs her senses even further.

“Doctor, um...hm…” Kara tries to hold onto her thoughts, but there’s a heat in her body she’s just becoming aware of. A distraction of some kind. “Doctor Ivy. Isely. Poison…” her voice drifts off with a whine.

Doctor Isely smirks again. Now within touching distance, she reaches out to run two fingers down Kara’s chest from throat to belt buckle. “Most call me Poison,” she says when she reaches Kara’s belt. “Poison Ivy.”

“R-right. Uh, Im told you have a – a real affinity for um, venom.”

“Sweet Lilly, no.” her voice is a honeyed purr.

“N-No?” Kara is unsettled, hungover and feeling like she might throw up. The dim lighting, chemical laden air and shifting plantlife doing nothing for her stomach.

“Dear child, I’m the mother. I have an  _affinity_  for more than just poisons, as gloriously complex and unique, as powerful as they may be… Look around you, vines, trees and saplings, ants and antelope…. All things living. All... life.” She creeps forward invading Kara's space, breath sweet like roses. “All life birthed under the great blue sky is… Mine.” She lifts a hand to cup Kara's cheek, including her in the statement.

Kara can't help it as she feels an involuntary noise creep up her throat like a whine. Ivy is now practically pressed against her. Rose scented breath fluttering over her lips. So much naked green skin.

And then…

A square of golden light...

Light? Kara can see light again and then another figure...

A laugh. Another woman. And then the haze is gone, Kara regaining her sense of reality, Poison Ivy stepping back with a pout.

The woman is smirking at them both. “Oh Red, you been playing with your food again?” The ends of her long blonde hair is tinged pink and blue. “Phew! Babe, the pheromones are a bit much don’t you think?”

“Ph-pheromones?” Kara’s eyes are wide, she knows it.

“Harley…” Poison Ivy sighs in a long suffering, yet happily indulgent way. “When a kryptonian knocks on your door, you don’t take chances.”

Harley has broken the lurking darkness with a wedge of light from a room beyond the lab. Kara can hear a television now where she'd been so overwhelmed before she’d not heard it. Harley steps in on bare feet. She's wearing a Greenpeace t shirt over what looks like a pair of tighty whiteys. As she moves further into the room, Kara spies an I Heart Gotham logo across her ass.

Whatever spell had filled the room entirely breaks when Harley moves to a tree trunk, pulls at a branch and… a fridge door opens. The fridge that looked like a tree just a moment ago is now just a regular fridge with a woman in front of it, wearing I heart Gotham tighty whities, drinking milk straight from the carton.

Harley turns her focus to Kara. “And who are you, Sugar?”

Kara drifts upwards, letting her feet leave the floor, eyes glowing a threatening blue, fists on her hips. “I am Kara Zor El, Prime Lady of the mighty house of El, last daughter of—.”

A high squeal interrupts Kara before she can even finish.

“Oh she's cute.” Harley says with a little bounce, addressing Ivy over Kara’s shoulder. “Can we keep her?”

***

Kara sits down for the strangest cup of tea she’s ever experienced. Not that the tea is strange. It’s just a standard earl grey with a touch of citrus and honey. What makes it strange is the two women whose home she seems to have inadvertently invaded. The unfortunate hint of hangover lingering at her temples and threatening to get worse.

Harley is paying only half attention, playing a game Kara doesn’t recognise on a consol she’d swear hasn’t been released yet. Ivy on the other hand is staring. At Kara.

And it is very disconcerting.

She'd changed while Harley made their tea, now wearing a once white now grey business shirt and loose flannel pajama pants.

Still disconcerting, Ivy’s voice is deep and slick as molasses. “So what brings Kara Zor-El, Prime Lady of the mighty whatever to Gotham city?”

“Like I said—”

“Yes, poison,” Ivy interrupts her. “But why are you really here? Drunk, skulking. I’ve not known Metropolis's darling to get so much as a hair out of place.”

Kara scoffs. “I’m not Kal-El.”

“So it seems.” Ivy goes quiet then, waiting for Kara to formulate a response. The silence is dense and awkward, but Ivy doesn’t seem ready to break any time soon.

“Hey what’s this?” Harley has put aside her game and found—

“Hey, that’s my bag!”

Harley ignores her outstretched hands to rifle away inside the pockets, finding first the half bottle of alien liquor Kara had planned on downing with whatever Ivy might give her.

Harley’s eyes light up as she looks at the label and before Kara can get any words out, Harley has the cap off, throwing back a mouthful. She lets the bottle fall to her knee, shaking her head with a rasping gasp. Kara, horrified, waits for the scream, the gurgle of blood and pain… but it doesn’t come. Harley just looks at the label again, wipes at her lips.

“That’s rough,” she says as if that liquor were a cheap whiskey and not a semi-radioactive liquor not of this world.

Kara is gobsmacked. “It should have killed you.” Harley just shrugs. “Who the heck are you?”

Harley and Ivy share a look at the word  _heck._ Like Kara is the most endearing creature they’ve met in their lives.

Harley abandons the game, settling a hand on Ivy’s thigh as she folds into the couch and pins Kara with a look.

“So, why are you trying to kill yourself?” Harley isn’t looking at her with judgement or pitty. Just curiosity.

“I’m not.”

Kara hesitates, but really this is all so dreamlike she may as well spill the beans now. Whether this is some kind of fever dream or reality, she doubts either of these women will judge her.

“I’m trying to forget.”

“Ah,” Ivy looks like she not only understands, she looks like she’s been exactly where Kara is before. “And who are they?”

“I didn’t—” Kara’s thoughts immediately go to Alex.

Alex on that last night after a loud and crowded frat party when Kara flew away for good, Alex leaving for college and not messaging Kara. Alex that last night before she moved out, when Kara ruined everything. And before, Alex when Kara first arrived, and when a glowering teenager finally accepted and welcomed Kara. Kara remembers the first time Alex smiled at her, truly smiled and Kara felt like her heart grew ten sizes.

She sighs and Harley grins. “So… what’s the story?”

And maybe it’s the lingering pheromones, or the comfort of two women who seem to know more about pain than most, or maybe they just put something in her tea, but Kara finds herself talking.

“Her name’s Alex.”

Harley claps just the tips of her fingers together, encouraging her to continue. “I knew it! Is she pretty? Smart? Oh I bet she’s smart.”

Kara can’t help but smile, sad around the edges. “Yeah she is.”

Kara slips so easily into reminiscence, the day Kal-El had abandoned her to strangers. Alex, alone in the window upstairs, her heart and breath caught already by Kara’s finite attention. Alex, a year later pulling Kara out the window from the room they shared, flying for the first time, flying the second and then the third time when they were finally caught and Jeremiah went away. The worry that Alex had tried to shield her from, the grief that Kara tried to sooth when those worries came to fruition. She remembers with an aching clarity the night before Alex left for college.

_“I don’t want you to leave, Alex.” Kara had whined pitifully._

_“You’ll be following me soon enough,” Alex said. She’d said it so many times in the previous months that the words had started to lose all meaning._

_Kara just hugged her closer, determined to have every moment of physical contact with Alex before she had to leave. They were curled up in Alex’s bed, Alex’s hands combing through Kara’s hair. They’d been sleeping side by side in the narrow single bed for the past few weeks and Kara had trouble imagining sleeping alone again. She snuggled her nose against Alex’s neck and hearing Alex’s heartbeat increase, couldn’t help the way her own heart rate picked up. She pulled away from her, taking off her glasses to see her properly._

_“Kara?” Alex asked in a shaky voice. Whatever she saw in Kara’s expression made her swallow and Kara reached over her to leave the glasses neatly folded on the bedside table._

_Kara didn’t know what she wanted to do. She only knew that her best friend was leaving in the morning and whatever happened now, this was their last chance to be so close._

Kara’s thoughts cleared with Harley’s sigh.

“Don’t we always love the ones we shouldn’t.” Harley’s eyes are bright with unshed tears.

“I never should have—” Kara starts. She reaches for the bottle of Fruhaghal and Harley obliges. After a bracing swig, Kara sighs. “The number of times I heard the word  _sister_. The hours I spent trying to connect with that. And Alex…” Kara’s smile is sad, soft. She’s not seen Alex in months and she still misses her every day.

Still thinks of that night.

_Their first kiss was sweet and soft, and everything Kara never knew she wanted. More. She realised at that moment with Alex's hands pressed against her lower back that all the gentle touches between them had led to this._

_She ran her fingers up under Alex’s sleep shirt, drifting over the hard jut of her hip. Their sharp inhalations of breath were lost between shifting mouths as Kara pulled closer, their legs tangling. The kiss deepened and her whole body was on fire with the contact, nerves jangling with every new brush of Alex’s lips against hers. Kara’s hands never stopped as she explored every inch of Alex’s stomach, then her ribs, first, second third slipping under her fingertips to the edge of the delicate swell of her breasts._

_Alex whined into her mouth and then her tongue was slipping past Kara’s lips and Kara’s hands moved of their own accord. Both grasped at Alex’s breasts, hardened nipples pressed to her palms and Kara thought she could die from the pleasure of that feeling._

_Moving, pressing and gently grasping until suddenly Alex gasped in a way too rough to be pleasure and she was pushed back flat on the bed. Alex with her eyes squeezed shut pulled her fists against her own chest, visibly working to control her breathing._

_When Alex could finally looked at her, they stared at one another for several minutes catching their breaths._

_“Kara,” Alex started and Kara could see she was about to be let down easy._

Kara shook free of the memory.

“I thought that, if I could show her, if she could feel what she meant to me, then maybe?” Kara shakes her head again, running fingers through her hair, tugging lightly in frustration and a familiar self reprimand. Over and over she’s considered different option, other ways she could have shown Alex, convinced her that what they felt wasn’t wrong. Over and over, she’s scolded herself for seeing something in Alex that wasn’t really there.

“But she didn’t want me after all.” Kara tips back the Fruhaghal again, pushing against the darkness of a small dark bedroom in Midvale. “I was wrong.”

In the present, in a warehouse in Gotham city, Harley sighs dramatically, a hand on her heart. Ivy looks sincerely sorry.

“Alex swore nothing would change between us, but it did. Stilted phone calls, texts left for hours without answers. When I fast-tracked my diploma to get to college sooner, it was even worse. Whatever I’d been telling myself about Alex being busy, about college taking up so much time, I finally knew. Alex just didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“And now you want to get over her?” Harley looks so sad, like all the romantic dreams in the world have been broken. “Cause she don’t treat you right?” There’s a hitch in her voice that has Ivy wrapping one arm across her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

Kara opens her mouth to say yes. But she can’t. Because the way Alex has pushed her away, she isn’t trying to be cruel. She can’t say yes, because forgetting Alex would leave her with nothing to hold onto. Krypton gone, Kal-El so disconnected from his place of birth he may as well be human. The outside world just waiting to be let in, like monstrous beasts slavering against the cage of her will.

Kara pulls at the collar of her jacket, lead embedded in the threads to keep out the screams and shrieking metal sounds of the broken world outside.

“I just want to feel good. Nothing else.” Her voice turns petulant at the end, ready to fight these women if she has to. Her entire world was torn apart, she never asked to survive. She can run in whatever direction she wants as fast and far as she needs to escape this reality. “I’m not meant to be here. If I have to be.” And if she can’t have Alex. “I might as well enjoy myself.”

She takes another sip of tea. There’s definitely something in it, but it’s having an inebriating effect that Kara won’t say no to.

“Dull the pain?” Ivy offers.

“Dull everything, preferably.” At a raised eyebrow and confused look she continues. “Your world is so loud. It hurts, claws at my head, my insides. There’s so much pain and...” she pounds a fist to the side of her head. “It’s so dang loud. All the time.”

“And so this stellar Martian liquor?” Harley takes the bottle back from Kara, inspecting it like she’s wondering where she can get some.

“Saturn,” Kara correct. “It’s from Saturn, not Mars.”

Harley gets that look in her eye again, like she’s having the kind of fun that she shouldn’t be having and has no intention of stopping.

“It’s not strong enough,” Kara replies. “It helps, but…”

Not with the feelings. It can’t help her feelings for Alex. She needs distance, distance from the pain, the sounds, the cries of a world torn apart by war and hunger, disease and pain. She needs distance from everything she’s ever thought or felt or  _been._ And then maybe she can get over it. Maybe the things she’s felt for Alex since the day they met will finally fade away, and Alex will be able to look at her without being sickened by what she sees.

“Sweetheart, we all have our burdens to bear, journeys to take.” Ivy looks thoughtful, lost in her own past pains and Harley cuddles her closer. “So I'll help you. But not with poison. That would only kill you faster than what you’ve been drinking already. And I don’t want that for you.”

Kara frowns. “You don’t even know me.”

Ivy smiles sadly. “And yet I feel confident that this is not the end of your story, sweet Lilly. There will be a time after today. When things will be brighter. And I would like for you to live long enough to see it.”

Kara doesn’t bother to disagree with her.

“There's a chemist.” Ivy is giving her that searching look again. “He likes to cook up all sorts of...medicines as a sort of side business. I don't know how to contact him directly but i know he works in national City.”

“That's where i just came from.”

“Perfect then,” Ivy says as if it isn’t perfect at all. “He works for a man. A Mr Lord. Some kind of scientist.”

“Lord technologies?” Kara asks. She knows the company well, has followed the progress his company has made in green energy. There’s so much promise in the research. Kara hadn’t been able to imagine anything like it when she first arrived on earth with its oil wars and almost universal dependence on fossil fuels.

Ivy nods, takes Kara’s hand in both of hers. “That’s where you'll find him, Sweet Lilly. I hope things get better for you.”

———— L?S ————

**DEO Desert Base – 2016**

Kara tells her story as sanitised as possible. Tries not to expose her feelings, her motivation for chasing such a drug (such a solution), but Alex’s posture is stiff, pain in her eyes.

“I’d had an interest in Lord technologies for years. It was easy enough to get in. I still had my college ID, NCU press pass.”

She keeps her gaze on Hank as she outlines what she knows of the chemical compounds that make up Red, how Dr Wurm could target alien physiology.

“Turns out, Lord Technologies had invested a whole branch of the business into studying aliens. I’d convinced myself the interest was humane, like the rest of their technology at the time.”

Lord didn’t announced the company’s military contracts until a year later. The staff walkouts and public dismay over Lord's AI commanding US drone capability only happened in the past twelve months when Kara was in no mind to care.

“And what interest does Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn have in all this?” Hank says their names as if he’s reading them off a criminal wrap sheet. And maybe he has.

“No interest,” Kara explains quickly. “Ivy knew Dr Wurm from years before. And I think they just,” she shrugs. “Wanted to help.”

“By directing you to a man that could facilitate your dependence on an addictive substance?” Hank isn’t trying to be harsh, but his words hit her hard.

“I would have found something without their help, Director.” Kara’s voice drops and Alex flinches.

Kara longs to tell Alex that it’s not her fault, that she did nothing wrong. Kara should have understood that her feelings couldn’t be reciprocated. She never should have kissed Alex like she did, forcing that level of intimacy. And Rao, when Kara showed up a full year ahead of schedule, forcing her presence into Alex’s life all over again… That last fight when Alex begged her to stop. Kara had convinced herself that Alex felt the same way about her.

And then she’d left. Like a stupid spiteful child, Kara left. When did she go to Gotham? Twenty eleven? Twenty twelve? About the time Alex herself was spiraling, rapidly approaching academic probation and a night in the drunk tank.

Kara tries to shake away those thoughts. Because Alex came out the other side. And Hank is still waiting for a response, believing the worst of Poison Ivy, of Harley, both of whom just wanted to help.

“They sent me down the safest route they could think of.”

Hank hums, not agreeing or disagreeing. “Well either way, this is good information, Superwoman thank you. Is this Red still being manufactured in-house at Lord Technologies?” At Kara’s nod, Hank looks pleased, snaps the manila folder shut. “Thank you. I appreciate none of this can be easy.” His eyes flicker to Alex so fast, no one but Kara could have seen it. “I’ll let the team know, see if this can be used as leverage to gain access to their servers.”

Kara lets out a relieved breath, glad it’s finally over.

Hank gathers himself, prepared to leave. “Rest now Superwoman. We’ll keep investigating Lord Technologies. Agent Danvers, I expect you to get some rest too. I don’t want to see you back here for at least 12 hours, understood?” Alex nods and he turns his attention to Lena. “Ms Luthor, as a civilian I have no control over what you do, but I hope you’ll take advantage of this hiatus and rest as well.” The hand on Lena’s shoulder is paternal in a way that makes Lena’s eyes shimmer.

“Of course, Director Henshaw.”

Hank watches her for a moment, his eyes flicking back and forth between Lena’s before he nods. “Goodnight.”

When he’s gone, Kara feels exhaustion rush over her like ocean waves. Remembering so much, too much: it takes all her strength not to break down. Lena sees it immediately, takes her hand and leans in to kiss her on the cheek. Alex does the same and then they all just stand (or lay helplessly) until Alex’s watch beeps for the hour.

After final murmurs of goodnight, as Kara struggles to keep her eyes open, Alex nudges at Lena’s wrist and then guides them out with a gentling hand on the small of Lena’s back.

———— L?S ————

In the elevator up to the parking garage, they don't talk. Lena is too overwhelmed by Kara's story, by the things that Kara didn't say. She knows only pieces, tonight filled in some gaps, but there's still so much more she wants to know.

The elevator doors open and Alex steps ahead, leading them to the left and a parking bay filled with motorcycles.

“Is it alright if we take the bike? I can organise a car, but…” she trails off, chewing at her lip, maybe deciding if she can be honest. “It's easier to not think when I've got to concentrate on not dying.”

“I believe that gives considerable insight into you chosen line of work.”

Alex doesn’t reply, offering Lena a black helmet and guiding them to a bike with windswept panels, like Boccioni’s running man in gleaming black instead of bronze.

“Nice bike.”

“Come on Luthor, this isn’t just a bike. It’s a Ducati.”

“My deepest apologies, Agent Danvers.”

Lena can only hold on tight to Alex’s waist as they race through traffic at incredible speeds. Stupid, brave, cocky Alex. Lena wouldn’t be surprised if Alex wanted to be pulled over, caught just so she’d get a chance to talk her way out of the ticket. Somehow, Lena feels exhilarated instead of afraid, confident of Alex’s abilities, safe with this woman, no matter how reckless she may be.

They reach Kara’s apartment in half the time it should have taken and now they’re here, Lena doesn’t know what to say. What does she say to the woman who so disarms her and puts her on edge all at once. Alex fiddles with her keys and mentions her own apartment and calling back in the morning when Kara is released from the UV room.

Kara. The sun they both revolve around. Lena and Alex don’t spend time together without her. They aren’t friends in any traditional sense.

Lena invites her to stay.

Immediately settling down on the couch, Alex brings up Ubereats on her phone. “Thai food and wine?” she asks.

Lena has already dug Alex’s whiskey out of the freezer and two tumblers sit on the bench.

Alex observes with approval. “Just food then.”

When the thai arrives Alex opens the door a little enthusiastically probably startling the poor boy on the other side. They’re already three glasses in, throwing back the first two with a sense of challenge between them.

“Tips money’s in the bowl,” Lena calls out and Alex mumbles something about it being  _her bowl_  before she shoves the cash at him.

“I may have over ordered,” Alex says as she grabs some napkins from the kitchen with two forks.

Lena smiles at the oversupply of food.

“Kara,” they say in unison.

Knowing that Kara is going to be fine makes tonight something of a celebration as much as commiseration for Lena’s crappy parentage, a sharing of disappointment that the base they raided wasn’t the Cadmus headquarters that they’d hoped.

“What did you order,” Lena asks, pushing around the bags.

Alex shrugs. “Bit of everything.”

They dig in. There’s some real estate show playing on the television.

“Bet she wants a walk in robe,” Alex says around a mouth full of pad thai.

Lena hums. “She seems more a double sinks kind of woman. And he’s so a man-cave guy.”

“Ten bucks?” Alex challenges.

“Done.”

Lena wins that round, but Alex wins the second.

“She wants a second room for the kids.”

“Please, he is so a backyard and swing set.”

“Agh, heteros are so predictable,” Lena groans. She winces immediately after the words leave her mouth, glancing at Alex. “No offence.” She gestures with her glass. “Alcohol equals reduced filter.”

Strangely, Alex blushes. “That’s um…” She takes a deeper gulp of whiskey.

Lena watches all of her shifts in posture, the flushed face. Alex sweetly reminds her of Kara when she’s been caught out, fiddling with her fingers in her lap.

“Alex? Is there something you want to talk about? It can stay between us if that’s what you need.” Lena isn’t sure she should promise such confidentiality from Kara, but if that’s what Alex needs then Lena finds she’s willing to try.

Alex takes another deep breath. “I think. I mean, I know. I think I know that I’m into… girls – a girl. A woman.”

Lena waits for a moment, not surprised really that Alex might be queer. Surprised that Alex could be so blindsided by it. Then again, mandatory heterosexuality is a bitch. Lena wants to ask what Alex is feeling, if she thinks she’s bi or gay or some other kind of fluid, but Alex looks so uncomfortable as she fidgets, not meeting Lena’s eye.

Lena tucks her toes under Alex’s thighs on the couch, as if this is all easy and not a huge potential shift in Alex’s life. “Want to tell me about her?”

That gets a small smile out of Alex. Her shoulders lose a smidge of their tension. “Maggie,” she says, smile broadening over the name.

“And,” Lena prods offering Alex more whiskey. “Pretty, smart, badass? I bet she’s a fighter.”

Alex laughs and that’s all she needs to start talking, gushing about her crush and how wonderful she is. When Alex starts to run out of adjectives for Maggie Sawyer, she starts gnawing at her lip again, rubbing her hands around her glass.

“You’re worried.” Lena ventures quietly. “About what it means to fall for a woman?”

Alex swallows then nods. “I know it’s silly, but—”

“No,” Lena interrupts vehemently. She would never dismiss someone’s fear of coming out. It’s no small thing. “It’s not silly at all, Alex.”

Alex looks like she doesn’t believe her, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “I don’t know… What if…” She takes a deep breath hating this weakness, Lena surmises. “This is stupid.” Alex scowls at her hands.

Lena settles her own hand over Alex’s. “Your feelings aren’t stupid, Alex. But we don’t have to talk about it.” Alex meets Lena’s eyes, fear and hope mingling in her expression. “I know how much it takes to admit out loud. How about we leave the rest for another night?”

“I can do that?” Alex looks so small when she asks that Lena feels her heart crack open just a little more, affection and sympathy making her want to pull the tough Secret Agent Danvers closer to her. The privilege of seeing Alex so vulnerable is not lost on her for a minute.

“Of course,” Lena lets herself laugh a little, taking Alex’s hand. “Everything on your own time.”

Alex throws back the last gulp of whiskey and immediately poors another. “I should have known,” she shrugs.

“And if we got a dollar for every queer woman who’s thought that, we’d all be rich.”

“You’re already rich.”

“Then I guess it worked. Maybe I should donate some of the money back to GLAAD.”

Alex shakes her head with an indulgent laugh at Lena’s joke. She glances at Lena then back to her hands. Her hair has fallen down around her face, obscuring her expression and Lena fights down the urge to push it away to see Alex’s eyes.

“I forced myself to believe I wasn't like Kara, that i couldn't be. She’s alien, she doesn’t have to worry about human sexuality.” There’s something rough in Alex’s voice, like fear or judgement all turned inwards.

“Something tells me you’re talking about more than recent history?” Lena lets her words fall between statement and question.

“It was a game, kind of,” she starts, pushing the hair back from her face and looking up at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears from falling. She looks pretty even on the edge of tears. “Once I stopped hating her, we ended up… close. I couldn’t have imagined how close. There was this thing we did. Kara was physically so strong even when she first arrived. So we. I let her…”

Lena takes Alex’s hand again, squeezing some measure of her own strength into their grip. Alex keeps her eyes on their hands explaining that this is what she and Kara did as children. Kara would experiment with light touches to Alex’s skin, grip Alex’s hands, wrists, her waist to better understand how vulnerable human bodies were to her new kryptonian strength. Alex explains how it was innocent. Truly, just two children testing their boundaries, gaining insight in a world so clouded with secrets and confusion.

“And then we weren’t children anymore,” Alex goes on. There’s guilt and something like grief in her eyes. “I should have stopped it, but god. How could I, when it felt— When I wanted.” She takes a deep breath, a quiver of nerves exposed. “I hated myself for it. Pushed it all down as hard as I could.”

The anger in her voice – anger at herself – pulls at Lena’s heart and she shifts to sit close next to Alex, hip to hip, winding an arm around her shoulders. Alex sighs into the touch, wiping discreetly at the tears on her cheeks, tilting her chin back at the ceiling. Lena tries to imagine what that must have felt like. She knows as an adult what it feels like to have all that god-like strength and inhuman regard focused on her. When Kara touches her, it’s like she’s the most precious creature in the universe.

Lena can’t imagine having to pull herself away from that. She can hardly imagine the guilt and confusion those feelings must have caused Alex when she was charged with Kara’s care. She’s not met Eliza, but Kara has told her a little of what it was like. The heavy burden placed on Alex. The way Eliza wrapped the word  _sister_ around Alex’s shoulders like a heavy cloak of responsibility. The sigil of House Danvers both as honourable and damning as the Luthor one is to Lena.

Lena watches while Alex takes two deep steadying breaths and pushes the feelings right back down again. She hopes that it’s not so far or deep as before. Alex has a right to her feelings, to deal with that guilt and move past it. Lena doesn’t push though. She understands the privilege of everything she’s received from Alex already, the trust. She doesn’t move away, but allows Alex the moment to gather herself, indulges the obvious want to pretend these confessions haven’t been shared.

Alex lets her gaze fall back to the television, focusing on another young couple hunting for their perfect home and the american dream. “They’re definitely gonna go over budget,” she says.

Lena chuckles quietly and pulls Alex closer.

***

Lena’s nightmares pull her in once again. Kara’s face replaces her brother’s to claw at her fears.

“You betrayed your brother, I won’t let you betray me.”

Lena shouts awake to find Alex’s arms tight around her. They must have stretched out at some point, lying tangled together on the couch. The television is off, the apartment dark.

The harsh breath of Lena’s panic blows in Alex’s hair, they’re lying so close. There’s a question in her dark eyes, but Alex doesn’t say anything, just holds Lena close until she falls asleep again.

———— L?S ————

Important fact: Kara has never been very good at introspection. She acts and reacts. Maybe it comes from not wanting to dwell on her lost home, her lost family. Maybe it’s just her nature to always move forward, not look back or inside. Her sponsor says this is a trait she needs to work on if she’s going to stay sober. And she tries, Rao she tries, even going so far as speed reading a bunch of self help books. But it’s difficult to say the least.

“What about meditation?” J’onn was the first to suggest the practice. He has his own Martian methods though he doesn’t suggest teaching them to her. “Meditation was an important part of my own journey,” he explains solemnly and the deep pain-mingled acceptance with which he says the words has Kara downloading the top three meditation apps on her phone. If she’s going to do this, it’s not going to be in front of a bunch of new age mums in an incense soaked yoga studio.

She dives in because there’s things she needs to understand about herself, things she needs to consider if she’s going to stay away from the indulgent dizzying freedom of Red K, if she’s going to keep the beautiful indulgent dizzying love of Lena Luthor.

Some old dead Earth guy said, “Know thyself,” and unfortunately Kara has spent the past two years, maybe the last thirteen years running as far away from herself as possible.

So she tries. It’s the early morning so she has a few hours at the DEO before she’ll be allowed to leave. Meditation is as good an activity as any she can think of. Well, masturbating would be more satisfying, but the window in the door is not small, the early morning shift at the DEO busy.

“Come on,” Kara mutters to herself. Thinking about orgasms, she’s fairly certain, is not a part of meditative practice.

She resettles on the sun bed with her legs crossed, lets herself float a few inches above. She thinks about trees and rivers, trying to remember the gentle words on all those meditation and mindfulness apps.

_Accept distraction. Observe your thoughts and then lay them aside. Clear your consciousness and_

Remember Lena rocking on top of you, a determined look in her eye—

_Think of the tree. A tree doesn’t worry itself with the state of the weather or curse a grey sky_

A tree doesn’t get told to be a good girl and hold onto the bed frame as a beautiful woman presses her hot wet—

_Let energy flow through you from the crown of your head, down your neck. Imagine the energy collecting all your worries and pushing—_

Lena pushing Kara’s shoulders back to the bed when she tried to sit up, to capture Lena’s mouth and regain control.

"Dang it.” Kara falls back to her sunbed hard enough to rattle the lamps around her. Meditation is not her friend right now. She’d been distracted by the Cadmus situation, pulled from bed by Alex’s emergency ringtone barely minutes after her earth shattering orgasm. After three days of solid distraction, now she’s left to dwell. Reflect. Feel that overwhelm that would have consumed her then if she’d been able to settle back down to earth with Lena’s body still pressed against her.

She’d had an orgasm, not only in someone else’s presence, but an orgasm  _caused_  by someone else, with a considerable level of physical contact. And Lena had fallen right off that cliff right alongside her. Lena had given Kara something she had thought she would never ever have. Anytime she’d felt safe enough with someone to try a relationship, to try the physical eventuality of a relationship, she’d held back, knowing that she couldn’t ever put someone else in danger for her own pleasure.

Rao, how she had hoped that one day she could. As a teenager, coming into her damnable hormones at the same time as her strength, she’d realised the consequences of losing control, how her strength could put whoever she was with in danger. Alex had tried to help, in her own way. Kara had never told Alex explicitly what was bothering her of course. It would have been too mortifying. But when Kara was sad, or excited or scared and she reached out for Alex before remembering that she shouldn’t, Alex understood.

Alex had told her, “You can learn.”

_Kara was still only fourteen and learning to control her strength. She had just saved up her money from dog walking and bought an iPod. Alex filled it with as many language lessons as she could find to download. Kara leaped around their bedroom, whooping and thanking her in the half dozen languages she’d started learning from books, all bad accents and worse grammar. She’d danced her way into Alex’s space, reached out to hug her. And Alex flinched. The flinch was so subtle anyone else would have missed it._

_Seeing Kara immediately pull away, her smile disappearing, Alex reached out apologising._

_“No it’s okay,” Kara said. “I should get used to it.”_

_That was the day that Alex first volunteered her own body to Kara._

_It had been innocent in essence. Alex shy and caring, pulling Kara to her bed and sitting her down. Alex locked their door, knowing instinctively that no matter how innocent their intentions, there was something inherently_ more _to what they were about to do. They never discussed it, just knew that Eliza would disapprove._

_They started slow. Alex stripped off her sweater leaving her in a tank top and shorts. Alex crossed her legs on the bed opposite Kara and held out her hands._

_Kara took a shuddering breath. “You’re sure?”_

_Alex smiled. “I trust you.” And that’s what it was. Any animosity or fear that Alex had felt when this alien child first fell into her life, was gone._

_That first time, Kara let her fingers trail from Alex’s hand to her wrist. The next time, a week later her wandering fingertips reached her elbow. Soon, the strange unnamed thing they did together became a nightly ritual. After their homework was done and they said goodnight to Eliza, the door was locked and Alex gave herself over to Kara’s gentle touches, to Kara holding her hand and gently squeezing as Alex looked deep in her eyes and told Kara she could never hurt her._

_After a year, Kara’s control was solid enough that she could hug her new family without fear. She could allow herself to feel excitement, joy, fear. She could take Alex’s hand in her own. The game continued long after Kara really needed the practice. This was just what they did._

_“I can’t sleep otherwise,” Alex admitted one late night when she’d snuck back through their window smelling of ocean salt, bonfires and cheap beer._

_Kara had stayed awake waiting. “I can’t either.”_

_They lay together in one bed and the game then was to be so soft and gentle that goosebumps would raise up on Alex’s skin. Letting Kara run fingertips across her arms, thighs, back, Alex gave Kara a gift no one else could conceive of._

_“You’re everything to me.”_

Under flourescent DEO lights and custom made sun lamps, Kara lets herself smile, feeling warm all over before a laugh bubbles up in her chest and she lets it out.

———— L?S ————

When Kara is finally released from the DEO clinic, she heads to her apartment and this is the sight she comes home to; Alex is wrapped around Lena on the couch, Alex’s hand on Lena’s ass. They look so cute together she hardly wants to interrupt them. Somehow though, she manages to knock over a pot plant by the door. Lena sits up startled awake by the noise, looking over the couch, bleary eyed.

“Kara?” It takes her a moment to register, and then she’s vaulting over the couch to launch herself around Kara wrapping around her with both arms and one leg.

Alex is close behind, leaving the floor and making Kara catch both of them as she launches herself up, wrapping her legs around Kara, arms around Lena in a monkey hold that Kara just has to accept. Now it’s her hands on Alex’s ass, but who really cares as they all cling together in a happy pile against the door. 

“We waited all night for you to come home,” Alex says.

Kara laughs, “Yeah I can see that,” she says as Alex finally lets them go and they all stand on their own feet. She looks pointedly over to the empty bottle of whiskey and the half empty bottle of Bourbon next to it.

“Multitasking.” Lena supplies, grinning at Alex.

They both laugh, so happy to see her, and Kara’s chest fills at the sound.

“How about breakfast?” Lena asks, looking at her phone.

“Already ahead of you, Luthor,” Alex replies. She’s tapping on her phone in the way that suggests a decision. “French toast, pancakes, scrambled eggs and that grosse kale thing you love is on the way.”

Kara grins at Lena who leans up and gives Kara a kiss on the cheek before turning and giving Alex the same. “My heroes,” she says without any sense of irony before rushing off to the bathroom. “Quick shower,” she calls and then the hot water pipes are rattling through the apartment.

Alex blushes, earning her a look from Kara. “What?” she asks.

“Don’t be getting ideas about my girlfriend.”

“Oh it’s  _girlfriend_  now is it?” Alex teases.

“Yes, and if you want one, get your own.” Kara means it to be teasing, but Alex’s eyes turn downcast in an expression Kara can’t interpret before her expression shifts again.

“Well about that,” Alex says.

And then Alex is pacing, hesitating and unable to find the words to really say what she needs to until Kara understands that Alex is pretty sure she’s gay after all (she can’t say the word just yet) and it took this Maggie person in her life for her to realise.

The confession makes something hot and unpleasant erupt in Kara’s chest, but she pushes it aside and by the time Lena gets out of the bathroom, her hair and makeup perfectly done for another workday, Kara is hugging Alex close and they’re both crying.

The food arrives, Lena collects their breakfast and sets plates out on the table with cutlery. She hugs Alex and Kara both before they all settle down for food.

Alex hands over Lena’s kale salad with her nose scrunched to make Lena laugh.

“So what world saving technology are you working on today, Luthor?”

Lena settles one hand on Kara’s thigh. Kara sets her left hand over Alex’s wrist and eats one handed. Something has shifted between them in the aftermath of this mission, but Kara doesn’t know how or what it means. And really, when the daylight streaming in through the windows is so bright, when Lena and Alex both smile, Kara doesn’t want to examine anything too closely.

Lena digs into her kale with evident relish. “Nothing so exciting. Less R&D and more PR these days.”

“The worst.” Alex shakes her head, stealing the maple syrup back from Kara.

“Hey!”

“I think people usually stop when the pancakes have been lost under the syrup,” she laughs.

***

The meditation and introspection has done little to stabilise Kara’s swirling thoughts. If anything, it’s gotten worse. The complicated thoughts, the tension of opposing emotions that would have sent her straight to her next hit of Red, now have to be faced head on. No more running.

Alex and Lena both left for work at the same time.

“Come on Luthor, I’ll drop you off.”

“At legal speeds, please.”

Kara is left alone in her apartment, she settles in front of the windows, in the remaining patch of sunshine with her legs crossed beneath her.

The thing she can’t push out of her mind: the feelings that she had for Alex as a teenager. Things have changed since, feelings deepened and grown into something so much more complicated. Looking back, Kara knows she loved Alex, the affection mixing with a want that is only possible when you’re so young. It’s a different feeling that sits in her chest when she sees Alex now. Seeing Alex and Lena together the past few days, working so that their shared and complementary intelligences truly shine. Kara can’t imagine any two more perfect women.

Everything in Kara pivots around Lena, her body, her day. The past few months have been everything she wanted. Lena is more than Kara could ever have imagined having.

And Alex. These feelings aren’t the same as she feels for Lena, but on mornings when she ducks into the DEO just to see Alex’s smile, it’s an indescribable kind of comfort. Different from Lena. But just as powerful.

“Superwoman,” Alex says on those mornings with a happy grin, pulling Kara into a one armed hug. “What are you doing here?”

“Just checking in,” Kara says, because this is how she likes to start her day. She’s not ready to explain any further. She can barely admit it to herself. A kiss from Lena over breakfast and a smile from Alex just because lets her breeze through anything the day could throw at her.

Kara knows she shouldn’t. She’s being selfish and impulsive and everything that made her such a terrible addict in the first place. That’s the first lesson she learned at NA; once an addict, always an addict. No matter what she thinks she wants, she can’t let her selfishness hurt other people. Not again. After everything that Kara put Alex through.

When Kara was high, she didn’t want to hear no, she just took and took. And not being able to have what she wanted, Kara took all her frustrations out on her foster sister. Sometimes Eliza, sometimes Kal El, but always Alex got the worst of it. Kara dragged out every painful memory, every insecurity and past hurt that Kara knew Alex held secret and brought it out into the light.

Kara shudders at the memory of making Alex cry. Another selfish want that a red-high Kara indulged in; Alex is still so beautiful when she cries.

Well Kara won’t do that anymore, not to Alex or Lena. Alex will never cry for her again. Lena won’t ever have to know what she’s truly capable of. Kara focuses on the sun warming her skin and slows down her breath, counting down into a new meditation.

She will be better for them both.

———— L?S ————

Lena settles into a new rhythm after the Cadmus mission, after she saw Kara sickly and pale, after she and Alex turned to one another for comfort. Alex arriving at Kara’s or Lena’s place for breakfast becomes a regular thing. Sometimes she stays the night before, crashing on Kara’s couch or in Lena’s spare bedroom, sometimes coming by before work. It’s a pleasure that Lena hadn’t anticipated. She enjoys Alex’s company. She also enjoys seeing the way Kara is around her foster sister.

It’s natural as breathing for Kara to relax more fully when it’s the three of them. Kara seems to float around the room, sometimes literally, as any urge to appear human leaves her. Lena watches Kara drift to her sister and back again, always touching both of them in turn. She wonders if the easy affection is something more common on krypton. From what she understands, Kryptonian society was austere and formal. Maybe familial relationships were all the closer for it, more tactile. It’s beautiful to watch.

And Kara’s intellect, already on display when Lena talks about her work is all the more remarkable when Alex brings her own knowledge and intelligence to their conversation. Out in the real world, even as Superwoman Kara plays down her intelligence, plays dumb in a habit ingrained in her since middle school. When she finally relaxes, Kara truly shines.

When Lena had mentioned the breakthroughs in quantum computing she's considering investing in, Kara came back with enthusiasm driven by everything she knows.

Eyes alight with excitement, Kara’s thoughts spill out. “With that kind of computational power, we’d barely need manual dimensionality reduction, just feed in the data to a deep neural net and watch it perform its own training and optimisation. In the space of heartbeat.”

“But we still don't really know how quantum computers operate. They’re a black box,” Lena objected before Kara could gain steam on her tangent regarding a new object classification algorithm she was playing around with.

Kara waved the objection away. “Another two years tops and they’ll have it figured. Krypton took ten years to really get into the inner workings of quantum computers.”

“And here on earth, our very human scientists still have to look away, literally turn their backs on the computer and hope the calculations are done when they look again. If it took Krypton ten years…”

“But that’s what I mean. Humans are more adaptable than kryptonian scientists, more capable of imagining the impossible. The time from the first punch card computer to a global internet was half that of Krypton!”

Even knowing how brilliant Kara is, Lena is still blown away by the depth and breadth of her knowledge. From gaussian algorithms to Alex's latest investigations into synthesised optic nerves Kara dances across subjects, fluency in more of the human sciences in her twenty seven years than most people achieve in full illustrious lifetimes. Science and art. Lena still doesn’t know exactly how many languages she speaks.

She knew Alex spoke German but Lena nearly fell off her chair when they started in over lunch.

“Kara don’t be a baby, it’s bratwurst not haggis.”

“You only like it cause of that semester in Berlin.”

Alex is replying in german too fast for Lena to register the full statement.  _“...if you actually tried.”_ Alex shoves a mouthful of mustard and sauerkraut covered sausage in her mouth with obvious relish.

And then Kara, without hesitating or feeling any need to feign ignorance, was replying just the same,  _“I have tried it and when bacon is right here, I do not need to eat something wrapped in intestines thank you.”_

“Showoff,” Alex muttered back in English.

Kara sticks out her tongue. “Says you.”

Lena burst out laughing and received identical bemused looks in response. She cleared her throat, trying to remember her long ago grammar lessons.  _“For multilingual adults, your communication is surprisingly childish sometimes.”_

They stared at her a little longer before Kara grabbed at Lena’s cheeks pulling her across the table for a kiss.

“Ich liebe dich, Lena.”

On mornings she’s not teasing Kara, Alex pries into the research division at L corp, demanding none too gently to know things that are definitely meant to be protected by NDAs. In return, Lena learns that inflating Alex’s ego and flustering her with light lingering touches will have Alex spilling her own research at the DEO.

“Ugh, you’re such nerds.” Kara grins at them both like she’d not want them to be anything else.

Alex rolls her eyes. “Employed nerds,” she jabs back. She’d been hinting at the topic for a few days already. Lena suspects, it’s Eliza’s influence now that she knows Kara’s off the red for good.

“Hey, secret identities aren’t easy to maintain you know.”

Alex points at her black DEO uniform. “Secret agent right here,” she says.

Lena watches the interaction as she sips at her coffee, enjoying their banter until Alex switches her attention to Lena.

“Maybe Kara doesn’t really need a job,” Alex says with a smirk that spells trouble.

“What?” Kara had been expecting more of a fight.

“I mean,” Alex shrugs, “Why would you, when you’re such a well kept sugar babe.”

Kara objects. She slaps a flat hand against the table hard enough to shake the cutlery. “I’m no such thing!”

Lena grabs up her coffee to keep it from spilling and tries not to laugh at the horror in Kara’s expression.

“I’m not,” she reiterates.

Alex smirks, tossing her last bite of toast into her mouth. “So you have a job?” She smiles triumphantly as Kara gapes with no answer coming.

Alex reaches over the table and pokes her index finger into Kara’s open mouth, barely keeping that finger when Kara snaps her jaw closed.

Kara is obviously torn between laughing and pouting. “I mean, I kinda have a job?”

“Is that job  _stealing_?”

Kara fiddles with her fork, poking at her eggs before answering without looking up. “Maybe. But I've been working with Lena’s data scientists too. Sometimes.”

_Once_ , Lena thinks. She let Kara into the lab once. It was three hours before Lena had to rescue the poor engineers from her overly enthusiastic kryptonian.

“You know I’m still technically a federal agent right? And that I’m dating a cop?”

Lena’s gaze flicks back and forth between them like she’s watching a tennis match.

“Alex,” Kara whines. “I haven’t really been stealing. Not in months.”

“See,” Alex states proudly, pointing her fork first at her and then at Lena. “Sugar babe. Sugar Momma.”

Lena wraps her hand round the back of Kara’s neck soothingly running her fingertips into her hair. “It’s okay Kara. You already have enough on your plate.”

“I don’t—I mean. It’s not so simple.”

Alex laughs, obviously counting Kara’s stammering as a victory. Oh, but Lena’s having none of that. Keeping her one hand on Kara’s shoulder, she reaches over the table to cup Alex’s jaw. She lets her expression go soft and doting, stroking her thumb over Alex’s cheak. For her part, Alex just stares back wide-eyed and no longer breathing.

“You know Alex, I don’t actually drink imported Australian craft beer. Or have any need for a subscription to the Rugby Channel, or fox sports, or NBC. So if you’d rather maintain your much desired independence, I can certainly respect that.” She lets the gentle threat linger.

Alex blushes face heating twice over, first from the hand on her jaw and second from Lena’s words.

“I don’t—I mean. You’re already so rich and. You know government jobs don’t. And my insurance is just.”

Lena takes pity on her, letting her hand settle on Alex’s shoulder. “Then that’s that. Besides,” Lena smirks at both of them. “I like taking care of my sugar babes.”

They both splutter, red faced until Alex’s phone goes off with a whirring vibration violent enough to nearly send it off the table edge.

“Dammit, Winn’s never touching my phone again. I swear he’s installed alien parts in this thing.”

Kara smirks. “We have to get your attention out of Maggie’s vagina and back into work somehow.”

“Oh my god.” Alex throws her butter knife at Kara’s head which Kara grabs out of the air without a thought, sticking out her tongue.

“You’re the one that keeps ignoring calls.”

Lena starts clearing away their plates as Alex calls into the DEO. From the kitchen she hears Alex’s voice turn from amused to cool professionalism.

“Okay, I have some gear here. Send my team in after me. Make it fast.” There’s a response on the other side. Alex nods, pulling a backpack from underneath Kara’s wall of clothes, then says. “Yeah, I’ve got comms. Just make it happen.”

She looks at Kara who has already changed into superwoman.

“We have to go,” Kara says to Lena, rushing over to press a kiss to her lips. “Something’s happening downtown.”

“Can I help?” Lena knows what the answer will be, but she still has to ask.

Alex answers. “It’s standard monster madness. Not much for a brilliant CEO type to do.” Lena nods okay, but Alex gives her an assessing look, pausing from the action of pulling several guns from her bag, checking them over. “No bringing gadgets into the fray, Luthor.”

Lena doesn’t pretend that she wasn’t considering the potential arsenal in R&D. “Okay,” she says. “Just come back in one piece, okay?”

She says this to Alex and Kara both, rushing to press a kiss to Alex’s cheek before Alex runs out the door. She grabs Kara before she can fly out the window, pulling her down. Lena tries to poor all her feeling into the kiss until Kara’s hands on her hips gently push her away. There are sirens sounding outside now and Kara tilts her head, listening in.

“You’ll be careful,” Lena says.

“Always.” And Kara launches into the sky.

———— L?S ————

Kara knows Lena designed her Superwoman costume for public consumption. That was clear with the similarity to Superman’s design, with the house of El blazened on her chest. Still, Kara wasn’t sure she was ready to be so publicly  _Super_. As soon as Alex’s phone rang though, the decision was taken from her hands. She doesn’t think. Just acts.

It’s already mayhem when she arrives, drifting in the air above the scene. The once perfectly average inner city park with statues, a pond and ducks has been taken over by a convention. There’s a  _Welcome ET_ banner over one booth and Kara starts to get the picture. There’s people everywhere, likely alien and refugee friendly, and now they’re all being targeted.

In amongst the tents and stages is a half dozen humanoid aliens with spikes springing from their arms and across their shoulders. In all four buildings overlooking the park, people are standing at glass windows watching the spectacle. She hears the word  _superman_ over and over again before the following russle of  _no_ and  _who is she?_

“Get away from the windows,” she yells toward the nearest building, but no one hears or moves.

There’s an animal roar to Kara’s left and she swerves right as a car sized boulder of concrete comes flying towards her, toward the breakable glass office building. Quick, she grabs at trailing pipes and copper webbing, grabs the flying block and swings it back toward the ground.

A massive berserker alien is smashing at the ground and pillars. Great chunks of concrete hurled like weapons in every direction. The alien, (familiar but not familiar enough to place) roars like a beast when it sees her, floating about fifty feet in the air. It’s at least ten feet tall with four arms and a vicious looking fang filled mouth. Kara scans the ground, filled with civilians running in every direction, fleeing the berserker, fleeing the humanoid aliens that are flinging their spikes into the crowd.

The huge berserker roars again then charges straight for her and Kara rushes forward, to fly into its path. The creature barely registers she’s already there as Kara slams her feet into the ground, grunts at the impact, her boots digging into the bitumen of the road.

The creature breaks away from her, crashing back and forth across the park without destination, just destroying everything in reach. It flips over a car, picks it up and flings it toward a family cowering against one of the stages.

“No you don’t!” Kara flashes across the space and places herself in front of the family, catching the car with both hands.

She turns quickly over her shoulder, yells at the family to run.

“I’m here to help.”

They just stare up at her in horror and Kara feels a bitter anger swell inside her. Her eyes flash blue with heat shimmering between them.

“Go!”

Finally, the woman picks up her two children and pushes the man, their father to flee.

In a fit of frustration Kara tosses the car in the opposite direction. Too late, Kara hears a splash of fuel, the smell reaching her in the same moment that metal scrapes against hot metal. Kara, adrenaline coursing through her, the sun hot and bright over head, sees through the twisted metal, watches as a spark ignites petrol fumes, lights. There’s a flash and the engine explodes.

Kara spins against the light and noise, covering her ears and closing her eyes as her cape pulls around her. News and police choppers roar overhead. Overwhelmed, her heart races ever faster, adrenaline and anger taking over reason.

When the fireball finally clears, there’s more screaming, the pounding of feet, hearts and filling lungs. Kara looks up to see the spike covered aliens are standing back to back flinging boney projectiles into the retreating crowds. The crowds that are backed up at all four roads away from the park. There’s police in cars, more in riot gear, fluro yellow barricades. The police are blocking people from escaping.

Kara hears the crackle of walkie talkies instructing them to contain everyone. Anyone could be an alien. Another flash of anger spikes through Kara as she realises; the police are more interested in trapping aliens than actually helping these people to safety.

Focusing on the hostile aliens, Kara blocks the flung spines, zipping around so fast she’s a blur. They stop after a few seconds as the aliens run out of spines to throw, but she can see that they’re re-growing them preparing to strike again. There’s another bellowing roar and crash. The berserker monster is digging into the pavement again, crushing concrete and pulling out lengths of piping and electrical cable. Trapped on all sides by police and humans, it seems to be trying to dig down.

Kara zips across the distance, barrels into it at full speed, full strength, dragging across the ground and throwing up more concrete and bitumen in their wake.

“Stay down!”

She swings her fists at the creature’s head and body, pummeling it into submission. It flops back and a human cry behind her brings Kara’s attention back to the spine throwers, they’ve recharged and they’re targeting the humans trapped within the police barricade.

It’s chaos, but finally Kara hears the roar of an engine she recognises. Alex swings into the melee, leaps off her bike before it’s stopped moving and charges the first alien she reaches, kicking it in the chest. She withdraws her pistol, shoots it in the shoulder. The next alien to notice her gets a bullet to the knee.

Alex turns to Kara. “Get the big guy,” she call over the noise.

Big guy is an understatement. The berserker has roused itself already, lumbering after the figure that had put it down. The monster is easily twice her size, flailing two pairs of fists in every direction. Kara ducks its swinging arms. She grabs a hold of the Berserker’s ankle, tugs it up and away from the ground. It howls and flails, its tail snapping out and connecting with the back of Kara’s head.

Kara sees stars. She drops the creature. Falls to the ground alongside it with a fresh shattering of concrete. A flurry of spikes rain down on her from the remaining four aliens. They’re crouched on top of a pile of rubble maintaining a constant flurry of projectiles to keep Kara distracted and Alex under cover.

Their lips are pulled back in snarls as they move in unison. She sees the spark of Alex’s pistol, then from the other side, more gunfire us DEO trucks speed through the line of police, agents pouring out.

Alex draws a new gun as she empties the clip on her pistol and Kara recognises the alien/human prototype she’s been working on. It spits out a glowing missile and hits one of the smaller aliens. An arc of too-bright blood sprays out his back.

It all happens in a blur. The Berserker finds its feet again, swinging for Kara who barely ducks the tree sized arms. She goes again for its feet, but it’s too quick, using its tail again to smack her sideways. Kara goes flying into the side of a building, barely avoiding more running people. Why haven’t they been evacuated yet?

Finally, the line of police is broken as a new agency arrives, forcing the street cops and cruisers back. NCPD SD is written on their backs. They join the DEO agents in creating a perimeter around the scene pressing in closer to the remaining aliens as the human civilians start pouring down side streets out of the park. Alex is closest to danger, four steps ahead of the rest of the circle. The berserker is still hot on Kara’s tail. She lets it follow her, taunting and letting it stay within reach, leading the creature away from the humans while she keeps an eye and ear on the centre of the park.

Alex is getting closer to the remaining humanoid aliens. “Put down your weapons and put your hands up!”

The aliens just snarl. One hisses, “No,” and pulls a device out of a pouch around his waist. “You surrender.”

Alex, her heartbeat still steady taps the communicator in her ear. “Winn? What’s that in his hand?”

Kara strains to hear his reply, “Working on it.”

Kara, distracted, just barely dodges out of the way of another swing from the berserker trailing her.

She hears Alex. “Come on come on.”

Winn through Alex’s earpiece. “Oh, this is bad.”

“Details now.”

Winn, his voice rising in panic. “It’s. It’s a concussive device get it out of—”

_Boom_

The shock smashes through the park knocking everyone off their feet, destroying every weapon in its path. Concrete cracks and glass shatters up to two blocks away. Supergirl is flung into another building, the berserker groaning beside her, barely moving. The only agents left on their feet and with their weapons in hand were the ones that managed to get behind shelter before that alien pressed the button.

Alex is trying to get to her own unsteady feet. Her weapon made useless by the blast, blood is streaming out her ears and her nose. Other agents – ones Kara knows from previous missions, that are her friends – are stumbling to their feet, some still on the ground having caught the full blast. One agent that was closer to the center, Mueller is lying far too still. Her heart has stopped beating.

***

From the damnable safety of her office, Lena watches the scene unfold on 24 hour news. The aerial shot showed the moment that one of the smaller aliens held up a device. Lena felt her heart almost stop as she recognised the weapon for what it was. Unable to do anything, Lena’s hand came up to her mouth. Those agents are in danger. Alex. Alex is in danger.

“Get down,” she says, but her words are useless.

The weapon is activated and a shockwave sends the camera jerking up into the sky, the reporters gasping and shouting as the helicopter careens wildly before being brought under control. With a stomach churning swoosh, the camera points back downward again to show Kara, show Superwoman in her blood red cape was flung into a building but is now streaking back toward the centre of the park.

The camera view changes then, the angle that must be from someone filming inside one of the buildings. The glass has been blown out so the camera has a clear view as Superwoman charges through the circle of recovering agents. She targets the alien that still holds the concussive device, her expression filled with rage, her eyes glowing blue.

She reaches him. There’s a sickening screech as Superwoman, as  _Kara_ grasps both the alien’s arms, lifts her boot against its chest and pulls. She tears two arms away from its body, tossing away one and prying the weapon from the other’s fingers.

On the television, news anchors, talking heads are stammering, green faced and trying to keep their composure. They’re looking at each other, not sure if they should keep talking, if the footage should be switched off. The last thing Lena gets to see is Kara dropping the device to the ground and smashing it beneath her boot.

***

The device shatters easily. Plastic, wires and a glowing purple gem that must be the alien power source scatter across the ground. Distracted, she doesn’t notice the last aliens rushing her from behind. A body dressed in dust covered black fatigues shoots past her, Alex with blood smeared across her face crashes into the creature wrestling it to the ground. They spring up engaging in a rough exhausted hand to hand. The alien has a massive spike in each hand and Alex is weaponless.

Without thinking, Kara leaps across the space between them, grabs the alien by it’s throat and shoulder, and rips its head from it’s body. For an instant, Kara can see the maggot white of its spine, the shiver of muscle, then a spray of blood erupts across her, the concrete, across Alex.

The final alien looks at her, looks at it’s fallen comrades. Kara steps toward it. The creature looks her in the eye, scratches a space on its wrist. Kara realises what it’s doing a second too late. It lifts its hand under its chin, flexes its wrist and a spike erupts from the scratch, through the soft tissue of its jaw and into its brain. There’s no time for any scream as the lifeless body slumps to the ground.

With every creature down, Kara turns, reaches for Alex, but Alex shakes her head, gesturing behind her and shouting. “One more!”

Movement behind her, sends Kara spinning on the Berserker again, recovered in those last few seconds of violence. This time she keeps her distance as it rushes her yet again. She ducks its tail, letting it gain on her in short feints and jabs that allow it to reach the top of the piled rubble. Her boots slip in blood and she hears a sick splash. Ignoring both, she speeds back to the bottom of the pile of rubble and turns.

With nothing but blue sky behind the creature, Kara lets heat build in both eyes. Unused to using this power for such destruction she doesn’t for sure know how effective it will be, but she does know how anger fuels her power. And she is angry.

The lazer heat explodes in light and burning, the strength of it jerking her head back just enough to miss. The first beam of light slices off the creature’s tail. The Berserker shrieks in agony and Kara feels the sound in her bones. Pain. Broken. She falls to her knees, but she doesn’t break. She balls both hands into fists, punches them into the road under her, anchored, and screams back her own pain. It stumbles as she narrows her gaze again.

Heat and light channel through her. The ground around her cracks from the blast. So hot, it’s as if the yellow sun is using her for its vessel, its weapon. She’s dimly aware of agents stumbling away from her, the heat to much for human bodies to bare. She screams again, the muscles in her shoulders, her neck straining and a final blast passes through her body, through her eyes and rips outwards. A sick smell of burning flesh fills the air. Kara screams and channels the sun’s unfiltered rays. She doesn’t stop until the blast of her heat vision burns completely through the creature and in a fiery stream of red, bursts out the other side.

Kara’s screams subside with her strength. The Berserker lets out a final gasp and collapses to the ground.

Kara’s eyes sizzle against her closed eyelids, the heat remaining, the pain from that being’s cries still sunk into her chest. She can’t move. The silence that follows the aliens’ deaths is all consuming. Kara’s own breathing, her heart beat and blood rushing through her system is loud enough to drown out the more human sounds of crying, running, shouting. Even the sirens have gone quiet. She feels Alex reach her first. Looking up, she sees in Alex’s eyes, in the flicker of her hands that she wants to reach out to Kara. But she can’t. She’s not Kara’s sister right now. Alex is federal Agent, Superwoman is a  _hero_. Untouchable.

Kara swallows thickly. Alex nods once to say she’s okay then turns.

Kara follows Alex to the other side of the gravelly slope where the alien has fallen. Unsure what to do with her hands, Kara consciously shadows Alex’s movements as she did when they were teenagers. She tries to stand straight, conscious of the news camera’s already on site and adjusts her posture to mimic Alex’s. She lets herself think about her aunt Astra, the epitome of military grace. Lost to Kara even before she lost Krypton, but always so strong. Just as Aunt Astra was untouchable, so could Kara be.

***

Alex pushes away all of her fear and doubt. She keeps her heartbeat steady, knowing that Kara will be able to hear it. Whatever she thought this mission would be, she could not have imagined this.

Was it only an hour ago, they were sitting with Lena at Kara’s dining table? She glances at her watch but finds the display cracked and dull from the concussive blast. The wind has picked up around them, the natural wind-tunnel effect of so many city buildings pressed around them. God, so many witnesses.

“I don’t understand,” Kara frowns down at the dead alien.

Alex kneels down just shy of the blueish goop spilling from the alien’s side to examine it closer. “What’s to understand?”

“Well,” Kara begins.

Watching her closely, Alex sees confusion, pain and recognition in her eyes.

Kara continues, “This is a Thymerian.”

Alex pulls a pen from her pocket. “And?”

Kara takes a breath. There’s a slight shake to it and Kara is pulling at the edges of her sleeves, trying to control herself. “And they’re a peaceful race. Like most empaths, they just don’t have disputes. They wouldn’t inflict any kind of pain because it would only be hurting themselves.”

Alex leans in closer, using her pen to nudge the alien’s head to one side so she can examine the creature’s neck.

“Take a look at this red mark?” She leans to one side so Kara can kneel down beside her.

Kara sees the same thing as Alex and her frown deepens. There’s a red discolouration. “That’s not normal,” she confirms. “And it feels…” she frowns like she can’t explain.

Kara’s hands are twitching, a muscle in her neck taught against the skin as she clenches her jaw. Alex feels dread deep in her gut. She hopes she’s wrong.

Tapping at her communicator, she radios base. “Where’s the medevac? We need to get these bodies out of here.”

Vasquez answers. “Yes, Agent Danvers, they’re on their way. ETA five minutes.”

Alex stands. She wants nothing more than to wrap Kara up in her arms, to take them home and never leave again. She wants to take back the past hour so it doesn’t exist, so that Kara never had to do these things.

“Kara, I—”

“Yeah,” Kara interrupts her. “I’m okay.”

She really isn’t.

Alex lets her hand fall before she can reach out for her. She can’t be Kara’s sister here, not in sight of her agents, in view of all the news cameras crowding above them.

“Go home Superwoman. I’ll come find you soon.” Too quiet for anyone but Kara to hear she adds, “I love you.”

———— L?S ————

Lena doesn’t know how she makes it through her work day. Alex messages her at three asking her to come. Cancelling her last meetings and rushing out of the building by 4.30, she doesn’t bother her driver, braving a cab across town and tipping generously.

Letting herself into Kara’s apartment, Lena isn’t sure what to do. What she’d seen on the television that morning, the broadcasts that had played over and again throughout the day – she doesn’t have any idea how to process it. What will Kara be feeling? She can’t imagine.

Alex is already there, kneeling before Kara where she sits on the couch still wearing her uniform,red gold and blue primaries clashing with the soft tones of her apartment. There’s blood on her face and when Lena rounds the couch she sees that there’s blood everywhere. Some of it a bluish grey. Most of it red. Kara must have taken off her boots when she returned, collapsed on the couch and then not moved since. Alex looks up to meet Lena’s eyes. She’s holding back tears as she stands.

“You should take off the uniform and go have a shower,” she says and her voice is firm.

Kara nods, stands and unclips her cape, pulling down the zipper without looking up from the floor. Kara peels away her costume right there in slow, human movements. Her shoulders are stiff and there’s a shake to her hands.

“Kara?”

Kara turns, her smile brittle like she’s going to fake it, but something in Lena’s eyes must catch her out. Kara’s shaking hand comes up to her mouth, tears flow from her eyes and Lena catches Kara before she falls.

After a while, Kara makes it to the shower with slow steps, Lena trying to guide her with gentle hands. Alex doesn’t try to help and Kara doesn’t look to her. Lena wonders if one is blaming the other for what happened. When Kara is finally under the hot water, Lena comes out and asks Alex directly.

“What happened?”

“Red,” Alex answers.

Lena gasps. “She?”

“No, not Kara. Except maybe second-hand. The aliens were dosed with a more pure form of it. That’s where the rage came from. They were drugged.”

The hot water shuts off and Kara emerges in a towel, her eyes filled with pain. 

“And it’s all my fault.”


End file.
